I am ugly. Lets get it out there. Mental health tell me is Body Dysmorphic Disorder but quite honestly I genuinely don't think it is. I really wish it were. I can't tell you how much I wish that the image in the mirror is not what is really there - but truthfully, I'm just genuinely ugly. I'm not talking "not pretty" - I'm talking "shouldn't go out in public". I realise the the whole point of the BDD thing is that I would naturally think its not in my head - so I'll provide some evidence: My last two bf's refused to be seen in public with me because my appearance embarrassed them My last bloke couldn't... perform... if the lights were on because my appearance put him off. My friends say things like "The fact that you're ugly doesn't mean you'll be alone forever - some guys don't care about appearences". I sit in a room of my male friends and am told that its "good you're ugly cos it means things don't get complicated by sex and stuff". Total strangers make comments - on the bus, in a cafe... My mum tells me I shouldn't smile because it "makes the situation worse". I could carry on but I think my point is illustrated. And yes of COURSE there might be guys out there who "don't care" if I am ugly - never met a guy who doesn't care if the girl is ugly - but I am willing to believe they might exist. Maybe wishful thinking. And quite aside from the lonliness and the feelings of inadequacy in that section of my life - I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not hate it so much I want to cry. I want to be able to have a spontaneous photo taken and not have to spend twenty minutes finding an angle that covers as much of the problem as possible and be sure not to smile and make sure the lighting is right and... and.. and.. I know it sounds shallow. I do. I genuinely don't care what anyone else looks like - it makes no difference to how I feel about them as a person - but you can't honestly tell me that the majority of the world doesn't care. I've spent the last decade finding out just how much that isn't true. I am sooooo tired of looking like an obese chipmunk who has suffered a stroke. I don't want to look like the bastard love child of susan boyle and the bloke from the goonies. It's NOT BDD if its not in my head. I know its shallow. I know half the people who read this are likely to be annoyed with me. But I needed it off my chest.