It's not getting better, it's just getting worse.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by curtn34, Mar 4, 2012.

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  1. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    I feel like absolute shit on a daily basis. I have no life, I have no friends. I can't find a job, I barely even know how to find a job. I depend on my parents to do everything for me. I have crippling social anxiety. I'm incredibly lonely. I find it impossible not to think about my ex's, they both cut me out of their lives. I still love them both but neither will talk to me. I cry everyday. I fight with my family on a daily basis. People tell me to go to counseling and what not but I think that is bullshit. It can only help with one aspect of my depression. Counseling will never find me the friends I am looking for or the relationship I need in life. People tell me I should learn to be happy alone. I think that's a load of crap. Nobody wants to be alone and nobody should have to. Why should I settle for something I do not want? I've been alone, basically, my entire life. Why shouldn't I want something better for myself? My main problem is a lack of strong relationships in my life. Honestly, I don't know why that is, I certainly try to make friends. I'm a genuine and nice person. I don't know why I have to be alone. I don't know. I just wanna kill myself. This morning I contemplated whether or not it would be possible to hang myself with a belt. Or if I could get into my dad's safe and get to his gun. Or what combination of pills would work the best. I'm so fucking lost and alone and miserable.
     
  2. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I can relate. I have no life either, I feel so isolated and alone it's not even funny. All of my friends have lives, unlike me and they're always busy. I live with mom and step dad but I hate being around my family so I spend most of my time in my room. All I seemed to think about the past week is suicide and my ex, I miss him so much. I miss being with him and being happy... by the way, I'm gay. Lol. All my thoughts are is "die", "I hate myself", etc... it's either suicide or self hatred. I hate this shitty small town and feeling alone and isolated. :( I don't know how much more I can take of this. I'm a fucking loser and I don't know what to do. My family doesn't know I'm extremely depressed and have suicidal thoughts, I don't see why telling them is supposed to make anything better, they'll just wanna try to get me help and be up my ass all the time. :( I'm fucking 21 and I feel like I'm a kid most of the time. I just need to die.
     
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