I feel like absolute shit on a daily basis. I have no life, I have no friends. I can't find a job, I barely even know how to find a job. I depend on my parents to do everything for me. I have crippling social anxiety. I'm incredibly lonely. I find it impossible not to think about my ex's, they both cut me out of their lives. I still love them both but neither will talk to me. I cry everyday. I fight with my family on a daily basis. People tell me to go to counseling and what not but I think that is bullshit. It can only help with one aspect of my depression. Counseling will never find me the friends I am looking for or the relationship I need in life. People tell me I should learn to be happy alone. I think that's a load of crap. Nobody wants to be alone and nobody should have to. Why should I settle for something I do not want? I've been alone, basically, my entire life. Why shouldn't I want something better for myself? My main problem is a lack of strong relationships in my life. Honestly, I don't know why that is, I certainly try to make friends. I'm a genuine and nice person. I don't know why I have to be alone. I don't know. I just wanna kill myself. This morning I contemplated whether or not it would be possible to hang myself with a belt. Or if I could get into my dad's safe and get to his gun. Or what combination of pills would work the best. I'm so fucking lost and alone and miserable.