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Its not important now....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leiaha, Dec 27, 2008.

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  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I am physically and mentally drained by christmas this year.
    I was publicly snubbed by one sister and personally insulted by my mother and my other sister. Obviously my own family dont care for me much. Although i would love 2 say i dont give a damn, i do. It upsets me very much :(
    From being about 5 years of agemy mum has drummed it into me how disappointed she was when i was born Becos she never wanted any girls. My 3 older brothers always knew also and between them and mum they made sure i never forgot it.
    Thus i have never felt good enough, always felt like i am a burden, worthless.
    Now my time has come 2 do something useful. For once what i do will be good enough :) i will win their approval now i dont want it anymore.

    I'm going! And i feel happy about it. I said i would wait til after christmas and i have. No one will miss me. Oh, they would say they will but, its not true, its just what they are expected to say but its not real.
    The stage is set. I have everything i need.
  2. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Letters, will and funeral requests are all written.
    I guess the only thing holding me back is the thought of failing again. :(
    Anyway, none of it matters anymore. I just want it to be over now :cry:
    Lea :-(
  3. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    good sig line. very intuative. platitudes and cliches are all that is left
    in a world so jaded and accustomed to shock and horror.

    here's a well worn cliche for ya. it's the best I have.

    stop.....and think. you don't really want to go thru with this, do you?
    put it off for another year, and another, and another, and another after that.

  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I would hope that you reconsider. Your life does not have to revolve around your brothers and mother. Break free from them and build a life in which you can be happy. It will not happen overnight, but if you set attainablr goals for yourself and conquer them one at a time you will succeed. :hug:
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I have nothing 2 live for unfortunately!
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have yourself and the future you may have to live for.That is definitely something.
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I am so ready 2 go right now. :( dont think i could stop myself if i wanted 2 :(
  8. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    I've never spoken to you before, but please, reconsider. there must be *something* worth hanging on to.

    always willing to listen if I can.

    Hope you make it.

    My best
    Kenny :arms:
  9. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    Ever thought of moving to a different country or different part of the country?

    Eventhough most people are afraid of a big change it can often help you re-arrange your life.
  10. Rolo555

    Rolo555 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I got my brother a gift, not a damn thank you and did I get anything? NOTHING
  11. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I've thought of it often but couldn't do it.
    I'm ready 2 step out of this life. I'm on my mobile internet by the motorway but i'm scared, what a wuss!
  12. Sparkz

    Sparkz Well-Known Member

    please reconsider
    i have been snubbed by my own family aswell, they dont want to know
    please dont do this, there must be something worth hanging on to
  13. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Nothing i want 2 hang around 4
  14. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    Somewhere out there in the vast horrible world there is someone who needs you as much as you need them. Take my advise and move away from the place where you life. Start over. I´m a guy so believe me when I say that every woman is a queen and should be treated as one.
  15. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I completely agree. There is someone who needs you like you need that someone. Please reconsider. Death isn't worth it. Life is. You can keep going.
  16. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    I´ve been depressed since my early childhood but now moved to a different country and met new people and guess what, some people are actually nice. Never thought I would meet people who I actually really like. If you´re at the end of your life risk a big change and move away.
  17. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    There aren't enough like you how, :hug:
    Unfortunately its not others who are the problem, i think its me actually :( so it doesnt matter where i live, the outcome would be the same. I dont know what it is but people just dont like me lol.
    I need 2 get offline soon, i'm freezing and i need 2 concentrate, think if i can. Thanks for taking time 2 help me everyone :)
    I'm so unhappy i just cant see any other way right now. Lea :hug:
  18. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    please? One more try? Am ready to listen, if you want to talk.
  19. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks :hug:
  20. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    The problem is never you, your family should be there for YOU.

    People who are like you will like you (doesn´t matter if you don´t like yourself).

    Where are you from?
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