not sure if this is the right place to put this but I couldnt find anywhere relevant...if it has to be moved, please go ahead! I've taken 3 overdoses this year.....before each one I started getting very dark, nasty thoughts and an urge to die....these thoughts built up and up until it felt like I was no longer in control, like it wasnt me doing or thinking these things. It really scares me. I'm getting thoughts like this again now. I have to go to counselling in the morning. Now that's fine but my sleep pattern often gets messed up and it is now...I'm living like a vampire and I never get to see day light at the moment! The trouble is, these thoughts and urges are creeping in again....not so much that I want to die but that I just need to sleep....I want to sleep at a proper time instead of being awake all night on my own and having too much time to think. At the moment the thoughts are along the lines of "if I take a lot of tablets then it will make me sleep and that is the only way". I have a lot of scary medication in the house because I have ME/CFS and need a lot of pain killers and I also have stuff for anxiety etc.....my boyfriend tried locking it away but I just broke into the box one day with a hammer when I flipped out one day. I feel like I'm going mental....the rational me says this is wrong and I shouldnt do it but this 'voice' in my head is getting stronger and I'm finding it more and more difficult to control. I have tried distracting myself but I'm getting more and more worried that I cant sleep and that I'll have to miss yet another appointment that I really do need to go to. I have no one I can talk to, it's 4.30am here and everyone is asleep. I dont want to phone the samaritans because last time I did they were shit.... Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to stop this getting out of control?