Its not that I want to die...I just don't want to exist

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lilly, Jun 3, 2010.

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  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    It would be better if I wass never even born. If I kill myself, I know that some people would be sad...and the last thing that I want to do is cause MORE pain than I already, in a way, if I died, I'd be making the world a better place.

    1. I dont deserve a proper burial or funeral, so my body would decompose and things could grow because the soil would then be better...i mean thats what happened when my fish died, and i think that a humans body, being bigger than a goldfish, could make even more flowers grow if they were planted there.
    2. I wouldnt be in the world anymore, and well, that in itself would just make it better.
    3. People wouldnt be wasting their lives trying to "help" me all the time. Like they even know how to help me in the first place.

    So you see, if I died, then things wouldd be better...those are only 3 reasons why, there are countless more that I could mention. But then there would be the, my boyfriend and my Mom being sad. I don't want them to be sad...and my Worker would probably be sad to, because I think that somehow if I died, tat would mean that she failed her job or something, and people might be disappointed if I died because then they would KNOW that I'm not as great a "success story" as they think that I am. That's why it'd be better if I just never existed in the first place. Its easier on everyone if I could just go back in time, and make it so that I was never even born....or something.

    I mean, if I didnt exist, imagine the things that could have been avoided!! Well, you don''t know my life story, so You can't really imagine the things, can you, but...I can..and theyre fabulous! I can picture the world if I had never existed.....its so wonderful. I dont think that my never existing could cause like, world peace or whatever, but it would have been a start, and then, if I didnt exist, something ELSE could exxist to take my place!! and it, whatever it would be, could be happy, instead of not existing like it does right now. so it's just be better that way.

    So far I havent found a way to make this happen yet, and if I do, then no one would ever know it anyways, because I never would have existed and therefore would never have found the way to make myself no exist because i was never here to wish i didnt exist because i didnt exist......which may sound very confusing, but i know exactly what im talking about......

    however, if i dont find a way to do this soon, i might just have to find a recipe for chloroform and drink it...but add like, sugar or something, cuz im not big on bad tastes....but what do you care anyways? im talking to people on the internet who for all you know im a robot or i a robot?? i must look into this...i mean...there have been many malfunctions in my life, so i COULD be a robot.....but then i dont think i could shower...ok, not a robot then...

    anyhow, im gonna go now, since all i do on here is ramble on about nothing...anyone who reads my rambles is probably like "omg, what a rambling idiot" but whatever.....i guess i am just a rambling idiot.........................................................................but if i didnt exist then i wouldnt be. se where im going here? itd be so much better that way....
  2. frostbitten1997

    frostbitten1997 Account Closed

    I think it would suprize u just how much a net friend can care about someone.I have thought the same way alot of times that i would be better off never to have existed and i dont mind your rambling,i have nothing better to do anyway.I know im not wasting my time helping u or anybody.We all need help once in a while,i know i do
    But i agree with u on #1.I think youll find more than one person here that feels the same way about things as u do
    Maybe you are a robot,maybe im one too.remember Data on star trek?he could go underwater without if we only could take out that emotion chip....
  3. deadend

    deadend Active Member

    If your non-existence doesn't cause world peace, then there is no reason for you to not exist. And what if you didn't exist and something worse took your place, like a serial killer. Would you want that? Would you want a serial killer to take your place?
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling hun. The world would be a better place without me. My mom would be a happy career woman who did not waste her life on a failure like me. I would have never hurt my dear friend Z. Everyone who was around me would be happy not having to force themselves to talk to me. The would would be better. I know the feeling. So I cannot say you are not justified in your feelings.

    Didn't you know that robots can be water proof?
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    The world's better of with you than a bunch of flowers
  6. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

    Lilly, I feel the same way every day. I don't necessarily have an urge to die, but everyday I wish I just wasn't here. Everyday I wish I was never born. I live a very meaningless and lifeless existence. I've been feeling this way for the past year and a half. We might be able to help each other out, message me if you ever want to talk.
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