It's not what people do...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Tam, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    It's what they don't do that screws me up.

    Promises made, and not kept. Kind words spoken, not followed through. Friendships offered, suddenly withdrawn.

    Makes me feel invisible, of no account, worthless, and worst of all, to blame. Having no way to fight it I gave in. Didn't even know I was going to do it but ended up the next day scrabbling around on the floor wondering where the hell I'd put all my pills.

    Didn't know it then but I sure as hell do now - I am angry. Angry at all the broken promises, the lying smiles, the false hope offered - angry at being duped and lied to. Angry at so many things.

    But I will not get angry at myself anymore. I will no longer blame myself for being so naive and trusting and needy and scared, for being so wounded that the smallest note of disapproval turns me into a grovelling crawling wreck of insecurity and fear.

    Against whom do I direct the anger then. Them or me.

    No contest.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I used to hang on the words of others but I have learned that many do not follow through. I don't know why they do that. My husband does that. I think he wants to, but I think he wants to do everything and gets scattered and overwhelmed.

    I now work my own simple program of taking care of myself and I let the words of other people go. When someone does follow through, I take it as a bonus for the day. I don't know how else to do it except to recognize this reality whether I understand it or not.
  3. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    That is part of why I do not make friends or believe what people tell me. I do not believe in people.