It's what they don't do that screws me up. Promises made, and not kept. Kind words spoken, not followed through. Friendships offered, suddenly withdrawn. Makes me feel invisible, of no account, worthless, and worst of all, to blame. Having no way to fight it I gave in. Didn't even know I was going to do it but ended up the next day scrabbling around on the floor wondering where the hell I'd put all my pills. Didn't know it then but I sure as hell do now - I am angry. Angry at all the broken promises, the lying smiles, the false hope offered - angry at being duped and lied to. Angry at so many things. But I will not get angry at myself anymore. I will no longer blame myself for being so naive and trusting and needy and scared, for being so wounded that the smallest note of disapproval turns me into a grovelling crawling wreck of insecurity and fear. Against whom do I direct the anger then. Them or me. No contest.