its not working

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She misses me of a night... like she can't cope. I can't be there constantly, we're 17 and we live far away :/
Maybe i got too close, i don't know but its not good

She's overdosing of a night when i'm not there, not enough to kill her obviously as she's still here... but its still not good
Some nights i can try and put her in a good mood and if i time it right then she doesn't, but that doesn't always work

Now shes just told me that she hasn't eaten over 700 calories this week and is saying she's determined to be happy again like last time (when she wasn't eating)

I try and encourge her to get help, but without sounding odd... litterally if it wasn't for the fact she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me... she wouldn't be here
And the way she is... if I was to do something to hurt her she'd... get very angry and hate me (I know she would probably come round in the end but short term she wouldn't care and would probably do it) so i couldn't tell her family or anyone, plus they caught her attempting once and nothing came from that

If she isn't doing one thing she's doing another and i don't know how to help her anymore


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#2 are carrying an awful lot of responsibility on 17yr old shoulders and to be honest, i dont see how much more you can do her family should be doing so much more to help her with her eating disorder and getting her to a doc.

i know you say she doesnt want to hurt you, but that is exactly what she is doing even if not intentionally. can you talk to your own parents about this, you need to take the burden of responsbility off yourself and get some support.

maybe if you can talk in confidence to your doc or do you have counsellor at school. one of you has to get help and if she is not prepared to and her parents dont seem to be doing anything, then it has to be you otherwise you will both suffer and its not fair that you have this pressure on you alone.

keep posting if it helps



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You need to get her in some kind of therapy.. Her parents are going to find out eventually..Sounds like she would benefit from inpatient at you nearest hospital also..If she keeps ODing she is going to harm some internal organs like her kidneys and liver..


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Hi again,

I had a friend who has coped with a lot of shit in her life and i do everything i can to help her. but a while ago she sliced her arm to pieces even as i was on the phone to her :'(

i ddnt realise the extent till the next day when i decided to speak to a school counsilor ish person. they then sorted therapists and a paramedic to see her.

it sounds the same with your friend- you have to pass the responsibility on when you cant give her what she needs to recover. you have to do what is best for them- even if they hate you for in in the short term
I think it's great that you care and are trying to help, but you can't really help someone unless they want to help themselves. I don't think that you should blame yourself if she hurts herself

yeah, I agree that talking to your parents might be good

you may want to see a councilor yourself to see how to best handle the situation


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Thankyou everyone for your replies<3

I can't talk ot my parents we aren't a talky family
I'm okay dealing with it, i don't need help with coping
I love her and i'm more than happy to hold her, listen to her etc

I'm just worried for her, i need a way to help her be stronger when she is on her own... something she can do, because exam time is getting really close and thats when its hardest :/

She stopped self harming by trying something she found online where when she feels like it she draws a butterfly where she was going to and names it after me and then if she was to cut the idea is that she would be cutting me.

I spend the night with her at least once a week and she's okay then... its just when she is on her own


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She needs your help and by that I mean that you should try to get her some professional help. I have been like her, and you can't hold the entire burden by yourself. It will only hurt you both in the long run.


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I really wish that I could tell you how but I really don't know. If you are her one reason for being there, then maybe just you talking to her might help. Tell her that she needs to speak to someone because they can help too. I'm really sorry I wish I could help more. You have alot to deal at such a young age. It's too big a responsibilty to think that you are responsible for someone else. It's not your fault. You're not responsible for what she does.
you might want to try talking to a suicide hotline

I don't know if they will know any more than we do.

It's pretty clear to me that you need backup on this, and ideally from a pro.

do you have access to counseling, maybe at your school?

you might want to read up about SH and maybe also codependancy

While it's good that she is holding back from self-harm, if she gets mad at you, then I think that she might SH more aggressively

this is a difficult and dangerous situation. for both your sakes it's important to get some help with this.
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