It's not worth it anymore

[Unregistered5678]

I'm thinking right now of the plan. I want to do it soon. I want to do it right now. What will happen? I'm so scared. There's no one who understands. No one. I feel so fucking alone in this world. there issn't a godamned person who can help me. not a single one. What the hell is wrong with me that I should always want to die. Why am i like this. Why can't I just get over it and live my fucking life. I hate myself to the core. I can't stand myself anymore. I fear so much how people will react that I never go through with it. Then sometimes I wonder if anyone cares at all and then I just fear doing it all together. I'm so pathetic that I can't even see how pathetic I am. what the fuck is wrong with me!!! you want to know what the most fucked up part is, I'm afraid to do it because I'm good-looking. I think to myself that I shouldn't do it because I have good looks and that's a reason to stay alive. WTF!!! what the hell does that mean!!! it means nothing. that is how pathetic I am that I should use something so shallow to convince myself that it's worth living for. like my looks will save me from this wretched life. is all I have to hold me here my own vanity. what am I doing. who can read what I just wrote and say that I am worthy of life. i'm nothing. i'm nothing inside and out and no matter how long i wait, I will remain nothing. There isn't anything that can change the way I feel short of miracles. there is no one who can help me. i want to do it tonight but i'm so afraid. there's nothing comforting left for me.

 

[Stranger1]

I think you should go to the ER and tell them what is going on. Better yet print out what you have just posted and ask to speak with someone in mental health because you are ready to commit. They will admit you and you will be safe from yourself. In the morning sometime you will speak with a phsychiatrist and tell him to read what you printed.. You need help and can not handle this on your own...Take care!!

 

[andyc68]

it sounds that you do need help, maybe joseph is right that you need to go to ER / A&E but i think that by admitting you are scared means that there is something there to work on.
most people will think badly of themselves but that is just one point of view and not the only one.
everyone deserves a chance at living the life they want, who knows, your chance will come soon but by leaving you will never know.

i can see that you want to hide your identity here and i think you are already a member, i respect that.
if you have friends here that you can trust then open up to them and seek the support you require.

dont do anything rash, nothing is over and nothing is worth your life.

stay strong

 

[~Claire]

Like Andy said, I think you may be a memeber too. I respect that as well, even if I don't quite understand it.

You say you're scared to do anything, in my opinion that's reason enough not to try anything regardless of how silly you think the reason may be.

Is there somewhere you can go to..a safe place, where you won't be able to harm yourself? If that means the hospital then go for it, ask to speak to the on call psychiatrist.

You don't have to go through this alone.

Take care, Claire xx