I'm thinking right now of the plan. I want to do it soon. I want to do it right now. What will happen? I'm so scared. There's no one who understands. No one. I feel so fucking alone in this world. there issn't a godamned person who can help me. not a single one. What the hell is wrong with me that I should always want to die. Why am i like this. Why can't I just get over it and live my fucking life. I hate myself to the core. I can't stand myself anymore. I fear so much how people will react that I never go through with it. Then sometimes I wonder if anyone cares at all and then I just fear doing it all together. I'm so pathetic that I can't even see how pathetic I am. what the fuck is wrong with me!!! you want to know what the most fucked up part is, I'm afraid to do it because I'm good-looking. I think to myself that I shouldn't do it because I have good looks and that's a reason to stay alive. WTF!!! what the hell does that mean!!! it means nothing. that is how pathetic I am that I should use something so shallow to convince myself that it's worth living for. like my looks will save me from this wretched life. is all I have to hold me here my own vanity. what am I doing. who can read what I just wrote and say that I am worthy of life. i'm nothing. i'm nothing inside and out and no matter how long i wait, I will remain nothing. There isn't anything that can change the way I feel short of miracles. there is no one who can help me. i want to do it tonight but i'm so afraid. there's nothing comforting left for me.