Today I slipped back into SI. The last couple of weeks have been really difficult. I've had so much to deal with most of my life and I really wonder if it's worth it. The bullying was bad enough but the daterape has left more memories and pain that don't go away, they just get hidden. I still can't be around crowds of people without panicking and I have absolutely no slef-confidence. I hate the way my family look at me like I can just turn off these feelings of depression, loneliness and self-loathing like a switch. I'm fed up of hurting people I care about by not being able to cope as well as they obviously think I should be able to. I just think their lives would be so much easier if I just ended it all now. There's only so much of this s**t I can take. I'm fed up of being told it'll get better because it doesn't and I just fall deeper. I don't want my pain to hurt other people anymore, it's not worth it when you value your life as little as I do. It's time for it to stop.