It's on my mind again.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Apr 30, 2013.

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  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I keep thinking about it... I don't know why but I do.
    Every time I feel like I don't matter the thoughts come in. Like me being here doesn't matter.
    But the fact of the matter is I want to matter and I want friends... and I want people to talk to me....
    but most of the time I feel ignored.... sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough...
    I hate these thoughts... but the more times I cry from being so lonely the thoughts come back...
    It's such a vicious cycle... :pout:
  2. Brickwall

    Brickwall Member

    I can really relate to everything you said---I want all those things too, desperately, but I don't know if I should anymore. I've longed for connection my entire life, but it's always been elusive.

    I've worked so hard on myself in therapy for 20+ years and it hasn't made much of a difference, honestly. I can't go on like this--being so isolated and totally alone all the time---which is why suicide seems preferable (for me).

    You seem resilient and like you can still return to that healthy place in your head where you know you need to take care of and be good to yourself. The healthy place in my own head is becoming less accessible to me.
  3. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    Yeah I've always been affected by the way people has treated me my whole life. Now I feel different types of emotions all at once: feel empty, confused, numb, angry at times, I cry and cry. Isolation is horrible, sometimes I don't even know I'm isolating myself. Just sit in my room, lay down and watch a movie. Lately I haven't had much energy and I'm even losing interests in hobbies or even finding anything funny. I hate how I feel right now. My head is filled with nothing but negative right now, hopefully in therapy I can overcome this.
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