I don't know what I want to say here. I bought a means of killing myself today. This means is in addition to the other thing I already have. I won't go into details since I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. I don't intend to use it right now, but I like having it available. It makes me feel better to have it around, but on the other hand, now that I've definitely gone a step further towards killing myself, I'm going to have to lie outright to my therapist. I don't like lying and I think lying in therapy is counterproductive. But I know that if I say what I've done, I'll end up in a huge mess once again. Any advice? Should I be honest about what I've done? Or should I hide it to avoid a huge headache (because I don't have any intention of using it right now)?