its one of those days

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#1
lately the theme of assertiveness has been on my mind. i guess i am not very assertive most of the time. i am usually afraid to speak up for myself in case im being dramatic or in case im in the wrong. yesterday i was assertive and spoke to my counsellor about things she said that upset me. and that went really well. tonight i spoke to my housemmate about something he said because i wanted clarification. i think he just thought i wanted to argue with him. so that didnt go so well and now im worry that im being dramatic and he thinks im weird now. i got up at 6am yestesrday and went to bed at 1am. it was far too late and i slept in for work today. i didnt even call in to let them know because i didnt know what to say. i called them 6 hours after my shift started to apologize and explain what happened. the manager was okay about it but tbh ive heard so many people say that the company im working for is reall ybad and literally looks for any excuse to fire you. so maybe this is my chance for them to fire me. we will see. my gut instinct is that its okay but i worry its not.

i havent gone to the gym as much lately becuase ive been at work (yes i do go sometimes) . but today i just felt lazy and decided not to go. i ordered two dresses for graduation and am worried one of them is too short. but with my small height, its hard to find a dress that fits well because most are too long on me and look oversized. there is another dress i want to order but its out of stock and it frustrates me because our graduation is november and am worried wont have enough time. im worrying and worrying and its half ten at night and i cant relax. i like my job but i find it hard to deal with people. the psychiatrist yesterday said he didnt think it was beneficial for me to see them and it was time to say goodbye. i am a bit taken back by how sudden it is. i have another appointment in december but he said something about it being my last appointment and am scared. i feel like he wants to get rid of me and there is nothing i can do. ifeel like a fraud beacuse i think he said nothing was wrong with me so that must mean i just suck. i worry because i suck. i catasptrophise cos i suck. i am unassertive because i suck

its just one of those days
 

Auri

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#2
Hi little Bear. You don't suck *happyno

I understand the struggle to find a dress. I've been through this nightmare before... Surely one of the ones you ordered will be good... but you still have time, sweetie. I usually start looking like one month before before the event. *bleh (Don't do that lol)

tonight i spoke to my housemmate about something he said because i wanted clarification. i think he just thought i wanted to argue with him. so that didnt go so well and now im worry that im being dramatic and he thinks im weird now.
I don't know what your question was, but I guess you're allowed to ask if something was not clear. Don't assume what he thinks though, you can't know that.
And if he is indeed so fast in judging you, perhaps he is not worth being friends with.

he said something about it being my last appointment and am scared
Huh? Can he decide for you if you need it or not? He's the one getting paid, right? If you feel like you need his help, you should tell him you don't want to stop yet. I can hardly imagine a psychiatrist going "nothing is wrong with you, stop calling me". Does he ever change your prescription?
 

Auri

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#3
But in case you simply wanted to rant and didn't need my advice that is kinda useless when I read it again lol ...

... I empathize and relate, that kind of crappy days suck, but you certainly don't. *hug
 
#4
Hi little Bear. You don't suck *happyno

I understand the struggle to find a dress. I've been through this nightmare before... Surely one of the ones you ordered will be good... but you still have time, sweetie. I usually start looking like one month before before the event. *bleh (Don't do that lol)


I don't know what your question was, but I guess you're allowed to ask if something was not clear. Don't assume what he thinks though, you can't know that.
And if he is indeed so fast in judging you, perhaps he is not worth being friends with.


Huh? Can he decide for you if you need it or not? He's the one getting paid, right? If you feel like you need his help, you should tell him you don't want to stop yet. I can hardly imagine a psychiatrist going "nothing is wrong with you, stop calling me". Does he ever change your prescription?
hi auri thanks for your response :) no worries i am open to any feedback haha the dresses i ordered arrived on monday but they dont look as nice as i imagined so i might send them back. also one is too big so it won't work

yes i guess its okay to ask questions. i just worry about how i come across.

i dont know he just said that they might say goodbye next time i see them and its scaring me. he did also say that i could negotiate though so hopefully we can. or at least gradually stop seeing them not just suddenly. he said if i can stay stable in between 3 month appiontments then i dont need to be there. i dont know. i dont feel like hes being too fair but i have trouble speaking up for myself. i think i will prepare something for me to say to him when i see him in december. my counsellor can help me. no the doctor didnt change my prescirption. i hope they wont just stop seeing me
 
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