It's only getting worse some one please help me now

[junod33]

Honestly i don't remember a day that has gone by where i havnt had a suicidal thought. Its like every hour of every day flashes of xxx or me xxx. Even just flashes of horrible images going through my head at all times. People think i am one of the happiest people around. They come to me for advice on why they shouldnt kill themselves and i give them the answers they need to hear because they think im strong but the truth is thats all bullshit i want to die i am so numb to it it's unbelievable. I have no actual regard for my own life its like im living for the the people around me. I know what it will do to the people around me. But it's just getting so hard. I should be happy right now and there are things in my life right now that really are amazing and there are times when i do feel ok but then at the best of those times i think well i xxx right now. I need help from someone and i cant handle the run of the mill answer i need someone to relate to and i need it now its 3 in the morning and i dont want to wake anyone up i cant be loud out of fear of exposing myself but i am on the brink of finnally doing it and im not talking abot an attempt ive had those im going through with it

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and welcome...glad you found us...here is a place you can share without yelling as we will listen, and many of us understand how you are feeling...please continue to post and let us know what is going on for you...welcome again, J

 

[dazzle11215]

welcome. how are you feeling tonight?

 

[may71]

it's nice that you care about other people, but it becomes a problem if it gets in the way of you taking care of yourself. maybe take a break from helping others for a while.

are you getting any treatment or therapy now?

having the horrible images in your head must be awful, especially if you haven't been able to get a moments rest. do you want to try calling a crisis line? can you go to the emergency room? would it help if there was someone there with you now? maybe someone that you helped in the past can help you now. is there someone that you know that could help you get through this?

I hope this isn't a run of the mill answer, but it's the best I've got.

hope that you feel better soon! and please keep posting here