its only going to get harder

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by grinded serenity, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    Hey SF,
    Well.. I don’t know anymore. This is my first day of my senior year in high school, and im already convinced I should just give up completely. Sit in my bed, wait for the day i get kicked out, and just go kill myself. In my own eye, im just speeding up the process. Its only going to get harder, not easier. Im going to college next year, and IF I get through this year at all, its going to be harder after that. then harder, and harder, and harder, and harder. Then find a job? In this economy? Why cant I just leave now? I don’t know what to do SF. I want to kill myself so bad, I want to hurt myself right now but my dad is in just the next room. Ive got so many hard courses this year, and everybody is telling me there easy, but only one interests me at all, and its not easy at all (psychology). Ive been trying to let my arm heal and go on my thigh, but I don’t know. Maybe ill skip that and start again.
  2. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    Firstly, i know from experience how much pain that the education process can cause if you don't feel involved in it. The first question to ask is, can you change what you are studying, to do more that will interest you? Psychology is certainly an interesting subject (i studied it at A-Level), but i would say if you can change one or two, to find something that interests you more, then try to. If not, then maybe give the subjects a chance, see what is involved, maybe you will take more out of them than you think.

    Regardless of this, education is designed to get more difficult as it goes, but then also you are designed to learn, and gain more knowledge as you go through education. You would not be able to do now, what you will be doing in a years time, because you need to build up that learning, and then you will be ready for it.

    In time, the economy will improve, and jobs will be available. Its not going to be easy, but it is going to be possible, and if you spend time in education, you will equip yourself better for the turnaround, and the jobs available then.

    As for harming yourself... dealing with that through college again, is tough. There is a stigma attached to that, as i'm sure you are as aware of as i am, and dealing with both the causes of that, and the subjects you are studying, is going to be tough to deal with, but if you ever need to talk to someone who has been through that, and managed it in the end, give me a shout, PM me or something, and i'll do the best i can to be there.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you are struggling with academics then please go into councillors at the school and get some extra help. Get parents to go in and explain your struggles and that you need extra tutoring extra times getting projects down. Don't give up go in and ask for help It is there use it so life can get easier. In college there is all kinds of help as well if you get your needs dealt with now they will go directly into college and you will get help there as well. Please don't give up fight for the help you need and deserve get your parents to go in and ask for evaluation to be done so you can get help you need. Self Harming not good get a therapist to talk to so this can get under control now before it gets worse. Take care okay i see the struggles and it shouldn't be that way go and get educational assessment done so you can get help you deserve.
  4. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    im seeing a therpist tomorrow and getting evaluated. im a senior in cyber school, sorry, i should have said so. so that means tutoring online. i dont care anymore, theres no point to any of this. i get hurt, i get back up, get hurt again. its a closed cycle, its never going to get better, only worse. you get hurt, then you die.

    i started on my arm again.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry to hear that as i am a fighter to i get knocked down get up and get knocked down but always get up again. You have to start fighting for you and for what you want it life. If your interested in psychology then take more social classes. I hope your therapist can help you see self harming is not the way out of this
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi grinded serenity,

    You have been given great advice, I just want to add that I have learned that nothing no matter how hard it seems is worth killing yourself over because it does get better. School doesn't last forever, just do your best,its all you can do,
    hope you're feeling better soon and good luck with your therapy appointment,let us know know it goes, take care.
  7. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    I read your post and hear your struggles.

    Hugs to you.
  8. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    hey guys,

    appointment is in about 3 and a half hours. im going try to act as normal as possible, without saying im suicidal or i cut. if i do, it means they legally HAVE to tell my parents, and i dont like my mother to worry.

    but.. whats the POIINT? i just dont see it anymore. shur, i get it, do good in school, get a good job, get a nice house and good wife in the suburbs and raise 2 kids with a dog and an above ground in your backyard. but what the fuck, WHY? to make life easier?! how is that easy? get pushed around all day at work, to come home to brats and probly a nice pile on your front lawn. kids arent for me, a wife will never happen, and with my current innitiative, no job in the future. it probly seems like this is just me thinking, but i know its like this. i just wanna lie down and die, ive got no purpose.

    ill update when i get back from the shrink.

    ps: thanks for all of your support and advice. i really appreciate it guys, seriously :)
  9. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    ok... sorry, i took a long nap when i got home.

    the doctor recommended therapy, which im refusing to go to. my father hasnt spoken to me all day because i guess hes mad i wont go. whatevssss.

    thanks for all of you support SF, i really appreciate it :D