It's over

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Sep 26, 2011.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    my life is over. There's no hope for me now; there's never been any hope for me in the first place. I'm not good at anything, or at least not good at anything I enjoy doing anymore. I've already decided I'm going to kill myself within the next few years; hope is all gone. I'm tired of faking that I'm "okay" but I know nobody cares; they only ask about how I'm doing just to get the answers they want to hear, not 'cause they actually care. I'll try to elaborate as much as I can, but my head is so overwhelmed I don't even know what to say right now. I just want to finally be freed; not even seeing a therapist or suicide hotlines help... I just want to die.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you don't have to fake being ok if you don't want to

    there may be a way that you can get better, if you want to try
  3. sollepus

    sollepus Active Member

    There's always hope! I am only recently finding the courage to seek treatment. Everyone is good at something. Everyone has people who care. Sometimes it seems bleak, but just keep holding on. Talk to people here. Visit the chat. I've only been a member for a few days and reaped tremendous benefits.

    BTW, you obviously like anime by your username, which automatically makes you totally cool and awesome! (I'm a BIG anime/manga fan). Private message me if you need someone to talk to; there are a ton of people who've supported me here. If I can help someone else at all, that would be awesome! Stay strong! *hugs*
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    It's awfully difficult for me to try to believe in hope at times. It really is. I can understand what you mean. I guess the good news to me is that you have found SF, a place where you can be open about certain things you often have to keep inside IRL. Welcome, TehAnime.
  5. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone... but it's impossible for me to hold on much longer... I'm not even worthy of being garbage. Life has been nothing but bleak lately, and I feel so lonely in more ways than I can ever count. It's so bad that I literally had to jerk off around 7-8 times today just to stay calm. I can't eat much. I don't want to do anything. It was horrible because I had this trump card that I thought would make life at least copacetic, but that's gone too. I want to run away, but I have nowhere to go. I have nobody to talk to who would understand. I'm just sad and alone almost all the time 'cept when I talk to the girl I like 'cause we have a lot in common and she actually talks to me like I'm a human being, but she has a boyfriend and I have no chance in hell with her. Yes, I know how fucked up I am for loving a girl with a boyfriend, but I'd rather she be happy no matter what even if it's never going to be with me so I'm not going to tell her how I feel. It is slow murder though, knowing I'm not good enough for her; I wish I could just drive this feeling away, but I can't. Not even my writings are coherent anymore.

    I can't say I see myself living longer than a few more years TOPS.
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'm lonely too. Some here are. We can relate in some ways for sure with what you're going through. Thanks for speaking to us.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    imho, all that ejaculating is bad for you

    I'm always talking about traditional chinese medicine, because I think it can help. according to the theory, ejaculation drains a lot of energy, especially doing it so many times. ejaculating during the winter time is supposed to be 100 times worse

    any way, you might feel better if you tried to find some other method of calming yourself other than ejaculating
  8. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    Pot's illegal, so there aren't any.
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    meditation practice?

    there may be a number of ways that you could calm yourself without harming your health

    do you feel drained/ weak after ejaculating so many times?
  10. yd4

    yd4 Member

    I can relate so much to how your feeling with this girl of yours, I'm in the same situation a girl I liked has a boyfriend and I've tried to keep in contact with her but she hasn't responded to me in the last 2 times I've tried to send her text's which completely sucks. I would marry this girl but I haven't even had a chance with her. I feel like I love her and she could careless. Love is truly painful, but I am starting to realize I have to let her go. I also feel like she was to good for me. I try not to be down on myself but I have wondered if I would be able to make her happy if I was with her.

    To bad I wont even get the chance. Life is hard. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing we all have to die one day. To me one of my goals now is just to get through life. I'm tired of thinking about killing myself because I know that its too hard to kill yourself. There's to much to risk like what if you survive suicide. Then you'll be set back so much further.

    Anyway, that's my little rant... I hope you feel better soon, feel free to talk to me anytime.
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