Its OVER!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Metallica*Melinda, Nov 19, 2006.

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  1. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I feel like my life is over. EVERYTHING is going wrong. I have no friends at all... seriously, I'm an outcast. I'm 18 and still live with my dad who won't let me have my money, smokes or ANYTHING! He watches everything I do... he hates me. I just got home from 7 weeks of being runaway, basically all I did was drugs then I tried to kill myself and it didn't work. They threw me in secure treatment until 2 days ago now im home. I've been cutting since I was 5, suicidal since I was 12... and I swear to god that I can't handle the pain anymore... this time I MEAN it. I feel like nobody understands. I don't want to do anything. I never shower anymore... I never laugh. Not to mention the drugs sucked everything outta me... I've only been clean for 2 days but before that I was clean for 20 days... then one day of crack and now Im back living in hell, I want to die. I only know one person who'd care... but he's a cop... and I don't think he really cares I think he's just doing his job... I don't know what to do. I swear to god I'm going to end it. I need some help PLEASE...
     
  2. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I should never have written. I sound like i complain a lot but i do feel like everyone hates me and im really sad and scared and i dont know what to do can someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TALK TO ME!
     
  3. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    I'm here. Please don't do anything rash.

    I'll talk to you.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Mel, I answered under your other post
     
  5. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    yeah i saw that, lets just talk there then... i guess
     
  6. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    Sorry, I can't get into chat. But would you feel more comfortable Pming?
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2006
  7. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    it doesn't really matter... i don't want to waste your time...
    and to answer the other post...
    I've been in so many hospitals over the years that its so mentally and physically draining, its worse than this... I WILL die for sure if i got there, i know every way in the book and the only way they could make me not do it is to mechanically restrain me... :(
     
  8. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    you arent wasting our time. this site is for your support and the support of anyone who needs it.

    maybe your cop friend could help you. and if you dont feel comfortable talking to him then you can talk to us. i am all ears.
     
  9. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    hetalked to me for 2 hours 2 days ago and talked me out of it... but hes not on shift til friday
     
  10. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    I don't know if this will be of any help but here goes.

    When I was 18 I was in pretty much a hopeless state. I wanted to kill myself but didn't. I'm now 33. I'm glad I didn't now because if I had done it I wouldn't have later experienced my life change for the better. It's still not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it's exponentially better and it's gets better as I get older.

    Few years ago I had a HUGE nervous breakdown. For a year I couldn't sleep, eat, breathe properly and so many more things. It was a year of continual hell with no let up 24 hours a day. I didn't even know that was possible until it happened to me. But it did pass.

    I agree with devastated that nothing lasts forever.

    Hold on.
     
  11. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    do you have his telephone number, or any contact information that you could reach him at?
     
  12. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    i lost his cell phone number... and he's the only one... really that i know i can tell anything to.
     
  13. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    can you try and hold on until his next shift then?
     
  14. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    i dont know.... its really hard to do.... :((
     
  15. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    Melinda, Sorry if this is a stupid idea. I'm just racking my brains here.

    Do you think if you called the station where he works and told them you're his friend but you've lost his number they might give you his phone number?

    It might be worth a try.
     
  16. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    no they can't do that, trust me i've tried before and they say even if they knew it was me they couldn't give me his personal phone number because its illegal... oh well he'll just find out... he'll know when I don't call him on friday.
     
  17. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    Is there a local crisis phone line you can call where you can be anonomous?

    I can only repeat, please don't rush into anything like killing yourself. Like what happened to me, you might find if you wait it out things could get better. I never ever thought life would ever change for me but to my utter astonishment it DID.

    Please hang in there. I'm still here.
     
  18. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    its been 13 years and its only gotten worse... so whats the point?
     
  19. StarFish

    StarFish Guest

    I know...please believe me I do understand. It sucks, it's so long.

    Oh God, I wish I knew what to say. I'm sorry I wish I could help more...I wish I had all the answers. All I know is what if? What if things get better later in life. If you die you'll never find out.

    My heart goes out to you. I know about pain lasting many years. I'm still struggling with things that happened when I was a young child. Sometimes the pain takes so long to be dealt with. I mean it it's taken a long time for you to be this wounded so it can take a long time to heal it. But it is possible. At least if you continue to live you'll be in the process of searching for that hope and peace you long for.

    {{{{{MettalicaMelinda}}}}}}
     
  20. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    thanks for your kind words... I guess it feels good to havesomeone talk to me...
     
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