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It's overwhelming me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ShoegazeDaydream, Apr 20, 2014.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    These thoughts are overwhelming me, I'm not sure how I get through them but there's times where I feel like I'm going to break. In real life I have no friends, I'm always alone: I feel like I'm not needed. Nobody remembers me or knows who I am, so who would really miss me? People keep telling me that my family would miss me but that's not enough. Family doesn't count in my eyes: I have no friends: in the past people have always abandoned me. For the last few years I've been alone, I even have a hard time even making friends online with people. A few people may talk to me and than out of the blue they stop speaking to me: I feel like I'm a horrible person. Maybe it's something they see about me that they don't like. A year and a half ago I was abused by my ex boyfriend and raped, now I'm constantly always depressed. Keep thinking of all the times I was bullied in High School, faces keep racing through my mind of all my old friends who were once my friends. When they were in my life I had hope, but now I stand alone... I go to the mall and the movies by myself and see other people hanging out with friends. In the distance I hear yelling and screaming off of couples and I'm triggered; I don't feel safe anymore. Anytime I try to talk to people, they ignore what I have to say: including my own mother. My mother seems to love my younger brother than me, I'm the middle child and I feel unwanted. In the back of my mind I get these negative thoughts saying that I deserve to be unloved cause I'm nothing but a waste of space. Many people believe I'm always seeking for attention but it's not the case: there's been so many times where I thought of my own death. I've even daydreamed about my funeral and hardly nobody was there. A week and a half ago I keep getting a imagine of a bridge..... this thought scares me. There has to be hope left for me, but I'm starting to lose hope little by little. These thoughts are overwhelming me, I feel so alone right now. Anytime I make friends with anyone, I'm always afraid they'll abandon me in the end. Deep down I really want friends but it's that fear that scares me the most that one day they'll abandon me. Each time someone stops speaking to me I'm on step closer to wanting to die. If I'm not wanted here, than I don't want to be alive.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, if I lived near you I would go to the 'mall' (we call them shopping centres here) and movies with you. I read your post 2 or 3 times and I relate so much regarding the rape part and always being alone. I was bullied severely, left school at a very early age and had no-one, couldn't leave my house for years, that's how I ended up on here. I now and have for some time volunteered for various charities just for company. If you want a friend,I'm here, I'm on here often and I promise I will never ignore or abandon you, xxx
    It's Easter Sunday and I have no friend close enough to enjoy it with so I do relate, im stuck in my room alone watching friends x
  3. nyanner

    nyanner New Member

    I agree. You sound like a good person and I also would happily want to hang out with you if I lived anywhere near you. If you want to talk more, feel free to pm me.
  4. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    The feeling of loneliness are very tough. As is being alone.

    It has taken me a while to start seeing success in the process of rebuilding my social circle. I finally do... and it was well worth the wait.

    As for the overwhelming thoughts... I try to break down situations in a way some therapists taught me.


    Sorry to seem like im trying to direct traffic to my thread but there are some things in there that may or may not be useful.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I have been abandoned by all friends off this site, and even some on the site. It's hard for me to even keep friends online, so I know what you're talking about. I always feel like it's my fault, like I must be bad if they left me alone. So I know exactly how you feel. I don't like going out much because I hate doing things alone, especially if everyone else is around me having fun. I'm so sorry you were subjected to so much abuse from people, but you are not a bad person or a waste of space. You can talk to me whenever you need someone to talk to. I know it's not the same as actually being there, but I'll always be here if you need me. :hug:
  6. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Thank you for all you're replies, I really appreciate reading them. Anytime I feel like the thoughts are overwhelming me: this is the first place I come too cause I can't talk openly about it on these other Forums I belong too. I've never tried to do anything but these thoughts continue to haunt me everyday. Sometimes the thoughts are stronger than on other days which I've been having. When I wrote this, deep down I was so close to wanting to end it all. Not having any friends is one of the reasons why I always constantly feel like I'm not worth living for. Having friends is very important to me and when I have no one to talk too I feel so sad and lonely inside. It's great when you have people who you know who love you and care for you, but not talking to anyone can really depress people and it's been depressing me a lot. Thanks for having the offer open for me to talk to some of you, I'll take you up on that offer. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this thread, I've just been trying to get back into activities that I once enjoyed. You'll get a pm from me shortly. :)
  7. skypenguin

    skypenguin Member

    I think you sound like a very sincere and articulate person from reading your post. People will be drawn to that if you have the courage to open up to them (which is very difficult) However I'm sure a therapist would be a great resource for you, and give you the confidence of having a person to open up to. People who think you only "want attention" are showing how ignorant they are of real pain and empathy of other humans experience.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Glad you were away doing positive things for yourself and not negative..huge hugs xx
  9. You seem like a guy who can communicate. Friends can be hard to come by, especially ones worth keeping. You have to realize how your feelings are affecting your ability to make new friends. I can only speak for myself, but if you're on this forum you're probably sending some strong "watch out for this guy" signals. I'm in the same boat, as I believe most of the people here are. You need to involve yourself in ANYTHING. It doesn't matter what it is, you'll make a friend. Just something, you'll be shocked how many guys like us are out there. If you see a guy like you, avoiding people and trying to get out of there, introduce yourself. Just my cliche and likely useless advice.
  10. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I also fear being abandoned by people, that's why I never let someone go near me anymore. But that's wrong.. And you should rate yourself higher, you seem like a very nice person to me. You are worthy! Just think positive, try to smile. It helps :)
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