These thoughts are overwhelming me, I'm not sure how I get through them but there's times where I feel like I'm going to break. In real life I have no friends, I'm always alone: I feel like I'm not needed. Nobody remembers me or knows who I am, so who would really miss me? People keep telling me that my family would miss me but that's not enough. Family doesn't count in my eyes: I have no friends: in the past people have always abandoned me. For the last few years I've been alone, I even have a hard time even making friends online with people. A few people may talk to me and than out of the blue they stop speaking to me: I feel like I'm a horrible person. Maybe it's something they see about me that they don't like. A year and a half ago I was abused by my ex boyfriend and raped, now I'm constantly always depressed. Keep thinking of all the times I was bullied in High School, faces keep racing through my mind of all my old friends who were once my friends. When they were in my life I had hope, but now I stand alone... I go to the mall and the movies by myself and see other people hanging out with friends. In the distance I hear yelling and screaming off of couples and I'm triggered; I don't feel safe anymore. Anytime I try to talk to people, they ignore what I have to say: including my own mother. My mother seems to love my younger brother than me, I'm the middle child and I feel unwanted. In the back of my mind I get these negative thoughts saying that I deserve to be unloved cause I'm nothing but a waste of space. Many people believe I'm always seeking for attention but it's not the case: there's been so many times where I thought of my own death. I've even daydreamed about my funeral and hardly nobody was there. A week and a half ago I keep getting a imagine of a bridge..... this thought scares me. There has to be hope left for me, but I'm starting to lose hope little by little. These thoughts are overwhelming me, I feel so alone right now. Anytime I make friends with anyone, I'm always afraid they'll abandon me in the end. Deep down I really want friends but it's that fear that scares me the most that one day they'll abandon me. Each time someone stops speaking to me I'm on step closer to wanting to die. If I'm not wanted here, than I don't want to be alive.