It's past time.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AAA3330, Feb 28, 2015.

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  1. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I should have commited suicide a long time ago, but I just won't do it because I can't find a method that I'm comfortable with. I don't even know how to describe how bad my suffering is each day and nobody can help me. I want to die so badly, but why can't I find a way to do it? It just doesn't make sense. Other people kill themselves, but why can't I? God, I'm so tired of this crap. It never goes away. It's like a terrible nightmare that just never stops. I went back to this mental health treatment place. They're supposed to call me to give me the details of my next appointment. I don't know why I even went back there because I know they can't help me. I keep thinking that if I wanted to die bad enough that I could find a way, but I never do. I've searched and searched, but I just can't do it and I don't understand why. I feel so alone with this thing and I am, because nobody's going to help me to commit suicide.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I really hope you do not find someone to help you, am glad you are making an appointment with the mental health services. It could do you the world of good. I just hope you continue to hang around and keep fighting this because you can :hug:
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I think it's the part of you that wants to live hence not settling on a method. Try to find one postive thing everyday, that's what helped me during rough patches.

    :hug:
     
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I really appreciate the responses, but I'm afraid that there won't be anything they can do for me that will help. I've been this way for over two years and don't think that it's ever going to get better. I always wish that my mind could be the way that it was, but it never happens and don't think that it ever will.
     
  5. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling I wish I was dead too,I have friends and family that live their lives I have no life just a miserable existance
     
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I hear ya Bruces. This thing has ruined my life. The person that I used to be no longer exists. The whole world feels different to me and not in a good way. I see other people living their lives and they all seem fine, but I'm stuck in this prison of my mind and can't get out. I kinda feel like I'm trapped in a burning building with no way out except instead of burning up, I just remain trapped there forever.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2015
  7. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    I don't have answers but I can so relate. Hope you find peace at some point in this day, just for a few minutes today. A friend of mine is always telling me, when I see no way out of this depression that things don't stay the same for ever, nothing stays the same. I just have to believe that although some days I just have a harder time with that than others. I understand that trapped feeling too, of not wanting to go on, but feeling paralyzed to act in any way. We're listening.
     
  8. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I'm tottally screwed havnt got the bottle to kill myself and I don't wanna hurt my family but I live everyday in total misery I just wish I could fast forward 100 years or so to a point when I'm long gone
     
  9. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    It is so hard to find anything to look forward to when it seems like there is nothing in life that is good. Is there anything you enjoy doing? What is the worst thing about your life now? Hopefully things will get better. They can, or at least how we feel about them can.
     
  10. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    No things never get any better
     
  11. idontmatter

    idontmatter New Member

    I offer no amazing words of wisdom. Nor can I take away your pain. I just wanted to send you a "e-hug" of support.

    Best wishes to you (and ALL of you here).
     
  12. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I used to be really smart. I don't think that I've really lost any of my knowledge, but I see things in a totally different way. I can no longer distinguish the differences between me and other people. It drives me crazy and is more than I can take. I wish that it could get better, but after two years of seeking help, it seems there is nothing that they can do for me. I try so hard to understand it, but I can't. I know that something is different inside of my brain, but I don't know what it is. I'm really scared of what's happening to me and don't know what to do. It makes me feel really sick inside. I really appreciate all of the responses.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2015
  13. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I feel the same I don't know whats happening to me I so long for this life to be over,I pray everyday for something fatal to happen
     
  14. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I wish it was over too. I wake up everyday, not able to understand how something so terrible has happened to me. So many things are working right, but something is drastically different. I know that it wouldn't cure my condition, but I'd like to know exactly what is going on. I've already had a cat scan and had thought of trying to get an MRI. I just can't understand what is causing me to feel so different than I used to. My life is already over. It would be so much better if I were dead already. A lot of people would think that I'm not trying to make things better, but this thing is totally out of my control and is the result of something changing inside of my brain. I got really stressed out a few years ago and that's when it started. I wouldn't think that the brain would be so fragile as to get damaged from stress. I mean other people get stressed out about things too and I'm sure that something like this doesn't happen to them.
     
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