Its pitiful. So very pitiful. The life that I live I feel is empty. The life that I live I feel is worthless. The life that I live I know is a mistake. So very pitiful this feeling that I have. To feel disconnected and alien to the world. I do not belong, and I don't want to be. The pain of laughter and joy and the solitude of hopelessness and despair is a life I want to end. Its empty, my life is empty and undesirable. I just want to be cold and dead to a world I don't belong in. To leave for good and to truly exist in the darkness that envelopes my world and to destroy all evidence of the life that should have never been. I want this existence erased. What does it mean to be successful? What does it take to achieve it? Why should I want it? Why sacrifice? I have tried to be successful, to be hard working, to be honest. The end result is pitiful. I understand now that it was not worth it and just a waste. There is no point to strive for anything better when we all die the same way. I wish I could take it all back, I wish I could be like everyone else, I wish I wasn't distinct. But wishes are like dreams, they don't come true. Should I try to start over? But my life has been established this way for decades. Why would I try to start again? I've already decided that I don't want life. So where do I go from here? This path is painful, the path that I have chosen to walk. I have chosen death and its a lonely, dark, and terrifying choice. Death is with you all the time, threatening to steal you away, reminding you of you limitations, influencing your every move. Suicide is on my mind twenty-four-seven, paralysing my life, haunting my dreams, warping reality. I don't know how to return, its just dark and every path leads to suicide. I don't think I can endure this darkness in my soul much longer. It has completely enveloped me and redefined me.