What do you want from me? What do you expect of me? What am I supposed to do? What does everybody want!!!??? I've grown up in an incomplete family, not getting the love I thought I deserved. My father gave me a tv, food, a house to live in, a dog, etc. But did I actually receive fatherly love? No, not as much as I deserved back then. Last night I nearly killed myself. I did it but it didn't do nothing but giving me loads of pain. I had a friend, she was ALWAYS there for me, especially the last weeks. She went through lots of shit for me. I kept saying she shouldnt, because I'm a bad friend. I guess I proved that today. She needed me, yet she called me to check if I was ok and all I could say (because I'm feeling so sick and tired as well physical as emotional) was "I'm ok. Take care" That was the conversation. Now she's feeling crap and I'm worried. Very worried. I think she's gonna do something. Yet I can't phone, or talk to anyone. That's the bad friend I am. Here I am, knowing I can stop her, but I can't do it. 2nd time in my life. Yeah, one who reads this; run away from me. I'm a bad friend and I do not deserve any friendship or love. if HE can't even give me love, then what's the point. I am going to walk away from this site after this post. Walk away from this site and the people on it. No matter how much I love some people here, I just can't keep doing this to any of you. I can't keep saying i'm your friend just to fuck it all up the day after. What I've told all of you has been proven again today: I'm a Bad Friend. Please do not try to contact me, because you will most likely not get the nicest respond if you DO find a way to get a hold of me. I'm a bitch at the moment. I'm broken. Shattered. And I can't do anything anymore. All I feel is the need to fuck myself up and to die. I'm trying to resist it, but I need to do this alone from now on. I need to do this alone. He abandoned me and he obviously wants me to be lonely. Well I'll do him the favour. I'm sorry to everyone here who's wasted their time on me. If you're still reading this; thank you for taking the time to read this.