It's Really Hard to Stay Strong

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Godsdrummer, Jun 24, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Oh yeah, I am good at talking the talk, but when the crap hits the fan, I find myself feeling overwhelmed.

    Overwhelming and me don't so so good together.

    I have so much I need to stick around for. Just as the opportunities of my life start coming into focus, these thoughts start coming back too.

    What in the hell is that?

    I guess where I am at is that I feel like my Mom is going to drag me down into her despair and depression and hell. She is in her 60's. She has a lot of problems...some of them her own doing. But everytime I talk with her, she get me depressed about her crap. Then I start thinking about my own problems. And then things start piling on.

    Most guys would look forward to seeing a message on their answering machine from their Moms. Not me. When I get home from work, I feel relieved when she hasnt called.

    Some days it feels it would just be easier to crawl back into that bottle and never come out.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    You're still here aren't you? I think that qualifies as more than just talking the talk.

    You've made it through crisis' before, and I know you can make it through this!

    From what I've seen in your posts you definately do have a lot to stick around for, the bottle definately not being one of them.

    Staying strong isn't easy, but the good things never are! :hug:
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    The bottle is not solution as you well know.

    I refer you back to a thread you wrote not long ago where you said if you get bad to remind you to get help. I don't know if your at the point where a hospital stay is needed but please consider it.

    As for mom let me be the bitch here...Don't talk to her for a a couple of days! Yeah I said it. Sorry but my concern is with YOU! I sometimes think that we can enable people in their problems so maybe a few days were she has to deal with her stuff alone would be good. Like I said my concern is with you!

    Whatever you do don't pick up the bottle...just gonna destroy your hard work. do you have an anti-anxiety med you can take?

    I wonder if sometimes the Universe/God whatever you like to call it does not test us a have some friggin awesome things going on in your life and maybe this is a
    "Do you really want it" sort of test. I guess that is what I think as I always seem to come out okay if I just don't give in to that thought that suggests I throw it all away.

    Please keep posting, so many care for you I know.

  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am just so damned tired.

    I am tired of working 7 days a week putting in 60+ hours.

    I am tired of worrying when my car will die.

    I am tired of living alone.

    I am tired of being a 48 hour out of 14 days, dad.

    Don't get me wrong...I have a partner now. Someone who wants to stick by my side. But it's going to be a long time until she really is by my side.
    She makes me so happy and I love her so.

    I wish the day would come when I can start living my life again without all this pain and worry and shit. There are days when I really think I hate my Mom.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Wow can you take a few days off to just sleep? YOu are burning yourself out!! The physical body will just fall apart and take your mind with it.

    Vent all ya need to! We are here for you. Hang in there, when you can't lift yourself up we will.

    We all love you
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I'll be ok! I think I am going crazy from the heat! lol

    I would never kill myself again. I know that. But sometimes this damned depression....just beats me up!
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I hear ya...just making sure as we need you.

    The heat and lack of sleep will really bring you down that is for sure.. Can you take a day of two to catch up on sleep?
    Seriously you are doing too much
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well I will get a day off for the 4th of July. And....then I get a week vacation at the end of July around my birthday. Plan on going golfing, but will prolly throw out my back! lol
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you don't plan to kill yourself. That would be a waste of a life. Enjoy your time off, plan things you enjoy doing so that you'll really enjoy your break :)
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks Lena!!!
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: pete!

    I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better, you're a great person, have more faith in yourself :D :hug:
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