it's really over

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by downnout, Mar 8, 2008.

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  1. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    i'm done. i really have nothing left to live for and i see no reason why i shouldn't end it, all of my self-deceptions won't change the past four years and where they've gotten me. the medications can't turn my life around. no one can. i need a REASON and I need it NOW
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What is happening chica? You may not be able to change the past four years, but you can influence what happens in the next four. The past is a part of your life, but it is only that-a part. Don't let it define the parts that were good or the parts yet to come. None of us knows what lies ahead in the future. Please don't give up. :hug:
  3. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    OK since I'm the first one to see this I guess I have to be the one to give the obligatory mindless "Hang on!" and "Why do you feel this way?"

    Ok now that that nonsense is out of the way. I really don't have a good reason for you not to end it. I do not know you. I do know that it's OK to feel however you feel. You have a right to feel however you feel. You also have a right to imagine possibilities and options. I, myself, am a man of options. If I choose to die. That's all I can do. But if I choose to live, then I can live or die. Two options are better than one. Some see me as crazy, but sometimes all that matters is staying alive until the time comes.
  4. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    i'm worthless. it's that simple. i got out of college and i've already lost the game. i've already tried therapy, and gone through hospitalization for past attempts, and here i am again. i don't even know why i'm writing this... every time i try to pick myself up and get going i only seem to fall farther down. i will never have a real relationship. the only chance i had at a relationship with someone i really liked was a year ago and i sabotaged it because i'm so increadibly irrational, stupid, and naive and i've spent the past eight months thinking about him knowing perfectly well he slammed that door and that he even had good reasons for it. i have no direction. my plan was to go to med school and that fell through so now what? i can hardly get out of bed or read an entire book, how am i supposed to go find a job? i can't find my way around people anymore because of anxiety... there are lots of people here who would agree that death is a right, even something humane. what if the depression doesn't lift and it only gets worse? what if i start hallucinating? i would rather be dead than spend the rest of my life in a psych ward
  5. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    i'm not even that good of a friend. i keep getting caught up in gossip and i let them do whatever they want because i would rather have them like me than actually help. i don't volunteer, i don't do anything that's not self-involved, i'm not a good person, really.
  6. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    anyway, there are a lot of amazing people here and i wish you all the best. i really do.
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Chica I know it's not easy and I know that alright I've been where you're and pretty much still am,remember this you're talking to someone who know's exactly what it's like.In saying death is the only and best option I know what you mean,but also you're feeling everything you're because you're so depressed and feel absolutely negative.I'm 32 year's of age and wouldn't be able to tell you how many time's death has crossed my mind and somehow I keep on hanging on.

    How old are you?Can I please ask,I'm 32 as I stated and also I've never qualified in anything and ever so often I've felt so intimidated by people who have studied in a certain area or field or who earn better money than I do.I know making comparison's is never a good thing,unless you compare yourself to someone who may somehoe be or seem worse off than you.

    Remember you're talking to someone here who know's exactly what it's like and no it's not easy that what I want you to understand that I know exactly how you feel.Please don't feel disheartened or feel that you're failing in any such way because I know if you could change thing's or feel better just like that you would.Please don't give up the fight because I wan't to try and help you and be there for you,also I know how painful the past is and it's not easy to get over.

    Chica I suffer from Bipolar,Ocd and Body dysmorphic disorder and have felt so often like giving up maybe I'm scared to attempt maybe there is a part of me that want's to go on well I definitely know there is.But in saying this fighting is so hard also I just want you to know that.
  8. alexander

    alexander Active Member

    I don't know what to say really but what the hell, I know it's not easy, life that is, it's not your fault being who you are, just as it's not a disabled persons fault for being born without a limb, there are lots of people born in this world that can't cope with life because of the mental problems that they have to endure, I've had (and have) these problems myself, it's hard, but it's not impossible to get through it, I've learnt over the years that big thing that helps is accepting who you are, you may never feel the same as what a quote'un'quote 'normal' person feels but that doesn't have to be the end of the world, don't try and fight it, treat it like a roller coaster, you'll have your ups and downs but as long as your hang on you'll be fine and the more you learn to accept it the 'dips' on that 'roller coaster' won't feel so bad,

    endurance is the key, don't fight it, when your feeling down accept that feeling and carry on, I know it sounds crazy but it can help, put your chin up and feel proud that you have that feeling there to drive you forward, your special, your different, be proud of who you are, I'm not saying this just to try and be motivational, I'm saying it because it's what I truly believe in, take a deep breath, relax and accept who you are, nothing can touch you when your still with acceptance, it's hard but once you practise you'll be fine, the more you endure the better you will feel, it can be a slow and hard process but you'll get there, don't worry about the future, let the future take care of it's self.
  9. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry... Having this meltdown like this. Thank you guys so much for reminding me why I'm sticking it out. Your words mean a lot. I just hit a really, really low point but I'm coming back around.

    in response to ace: i'm 23, i just graduated six months ago but i've been dealing with severe depression/anxiety for about two years now. you're right, i'm having a very hard time accepting that it's something i'm just going to have to learn to manage and live with. and you're right about the whole comparison thing, too. i just had a breakdown because i went on facebook and saw what all of my college friends are up to... thank you both again. was really about to do something stupid.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2008
  10. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Wow, that was a quick turn around. Are you bipolar?

    You don't actually need a reason to live. Thinking that way is merely searching for a coping mechanism, but once you are stable you will live to live. I'm sure you'll be able to go to med school later on. Try not to blow a bad relationship out of perspective.
  11. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    chica I really hope you can keep fighting and you're doing so well because I know what you're going through.You'd be really amazed if I told you the thing's that get to me,it's hard trying to go about your daily task's especially when you're feeling so down well getting out of bed is such a challenge in itself.
    I just wanted to know I know what boat you're in and it is so hard I understand,seeing what other people are doing is a justifiable thing that can get to you it get's to me so often I see people going about their lives with great jobs etc and it get's to me because I feel like a failure.I wish it was easy to stop doing but we all know nothing is as easy as flicking that light switch.
  12. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    I've never been diagnosed with bipolar because I've never been manic. Thanks for the advice.

    Thanks for the reality check, Ace and Alexander thanks for the empathy/understanding it means worlds.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2008
  13. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Take care, I hope things improve for you in the future, don't make any rash decisions.
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