It's right to make excuses?

[helpmeout]

I've contemplated suicide since I was a kid.. mainly because I was a fat little kid and I always got picked last or never got the girl.. I've just thought about ending it all.

I haven't.

Recently I've thought about it a lot more. I'm an active athlete and my love life is struggling right now. I say active athlete because anything else to describe my athletic career would be wrong. I feel as if I'm letting down all my coaches by struggling. I'm terrible at all my sports. I never place or medal or anything. I feel as if my coaches deserve better than to deal with a crappy person like me. I could just quite.. But I guess I'm just selfish.

I love someone dearly.. And not just selfishly.. I really care.. but I just can't seem to do the right thing. I don't have much going for me.

When I consider killing myself I talk myself out of it by saying it's selfish and that it would only hurt people that care about me.. But then I start thinking that I'm selfish and ignorant for believing that people care enough to suffer if I died..

I think about my mom.. Whether or not she'd be better off if I was gone.. I wonder.. I put so much pressure and burden on her.. I just don't know anymore.

I just can't seem to do anything right. I used to be pretty happy, but I've always had my depression "bouts" I dunno what it is..

I look to religion as another way to put off my self-extermination. I think of what God would say/do/whatever to me if I killed myself? Would I be forgiven, or automatically burn in hell? Should I be selfish enough to consider if God would care? I know God cares, but I just get so wrapped up in the ifs, buts, and whats of it all.

I consider killing myself, even if I don't, I figured posting wouldn't hurt me in anyway..

Thank you for your time..

-helpmeout.

 

[Fishman]

Oh I see a flame war was going on. thats why the post got deleted.

 

[RySp123]

Hi and welcome to SF helpmeout. I've read your post and I am sorry you feel those swings of mood. Those mood swings even if not severe to affect how one feels and thinks yet they can be helped and stopped.

It affects our perception and our self esteem. They are usually due to depression and if it is your case, to be confirm by a physician, should be
a light one yet as perturbing one's life. There is no reason for you to
endure and go through those eternal ups and downs, questioning all
and everything for no reason. It offuscate one's vision of the self and
of our surroundings so the reason of your negativity.

I'd suggest you pay a visit to your family doctor and bring it up to him-her and let the doctor decide what is best, how it is best to handle this situation for you.

You have a lot going for yourself so don't loose it on the account of something that can easily be corrected by a short time medication.

Wishing you all the best and please, write again your thoughts, it really does help out doing so.

granny

 

[aqaq22]

Hi Helpmeout...

You've got alot goin' for you, just from reading your post anyway.

One thing is for certain, life isn't always easy.

Making excuses? It's goes against every natural instinct for self preservation we have, to commit suicide. Of course it's also natural to want to end chronic pain, sometimes, in any way we know how. But, I believe the will to lilive is quite strong with you.

Have you seen a counselor, or therapist about these low feelings you are having?