It's Silly

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by An0nym0us, May 19, 2008.

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  1. An0nym0us

    An0nym0us Guest

    It's just one of those tiny things and I just need someone to talk to for a bit about it, and I apoligize I know that many other people are facing other situations that are far more dire then the one I'm experiencing at this very moment.

    I'm not feeling suicidal however I feel sad, depressed, hurt - a feeling that I can't really put into words but I'm sure many people experience and right now I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with it.

    School is one form of stress.
    Emancipation the next.
    Getting a job at the age 15 is kind of hard but I continue making that effort.

    I'm recently losing a friend for her suicidal thoughts, or rather she doesn't wish to talk to me anymore. She has been the only one I could truly talk to about things when I felt troubled but she no longer wants to talk to me. I understand you lose and get new friends but she's someone familiar, and as a kid someone I depended on for the tiny things. Maybe I was to harsh onto her but I hated to see her upset and it made me angry that sometimes she would use her feelings as an excuse to not make the effort to do thing.

    For example she wanted to make friend; I also had a problem with approching people but I made an effort to try, little by little I got over my fear but she makes only one approach and when she feels like its not working she gives up.

    I support her however she often lacks the determination and gets jealousy of my life and lose's mind over her own.

    I love her dearly, but I can't do anything for her.
    All the advice I've given to her, all the times I've sat down and listened to her problems is not as important as what our councilor says or what a therapist may say.

    The situation is something I understand will pass but it still hurts to see someone I tried so hard to trust, the first person I trusted to abandon me, when all I do is sacrifice every part of me so I can make her happy.

    And I'm afraid it'll be hard for me to try to trust someone again.

    While my boyfriend, its not his fault but I find being in a relationship makes me feel lonely. It may even be because of him that this friend of mine's behavior has changed. However what upsets me is that I don't understand relationships don't think I will anytime soon but its difficult.

    He's spending time with his ex and I don't know, do I have the right to be jealous about it? Is it okay? I've seen my friends neglect to communicate with their boyfriend/girlfriend and that often causes these problems as well as their own insecurities. Does it mean I'm insecure? Am I starting to depend on someone else because I'm losing a friend? I'm not so sure whats going on but my emotions seem to be going insane lately.

    I wanted to spend time with him. I called he didn't answer. He called me back, told me he was at home with his ex and for a moment I couldn't breathe. It felt strange and I tried to just swallow it, because I had no reason to be upset right? He had told me they were just going to be friends before. Maybe I was just being too sensitive, but he continued, they were going to go study.

    I laughed, my chest seemed to hurt a bit, I had wanted to surprise him at his school but he wasn't answering his phone so I assumed he was going home. I guess, I don't know it made me feel worse to think about that fact.

    Before he told me that I felt his tone was weird and now I knew why...

    I didn't want to tell him not to hang out with his ex/friend, it wasn't my place to say anything and I couldn't bring myself to invite myself because well, I was feeling extremely hurt and upset already, I didn't have the heart to bring myself to ask and even if I did I felt I would disrupt their studying with my upset attitude anyway.

    I went home, watched TV attempted to cry it all out and then just get over it.

    I got an e-mail that made me happier.

    However I had work to do, its the last day of schools I have projects to work on because other people on my group don't seem to and I have no chance to confront them which was a bummer I guess.

    My boyfriend called back, and everything just tore up inside. I could hear he was outside, and I just tried to smile it out. Its easier when I don't know someone so well just to pass my emotions aside...but I was just starting to trust him and at this moment I don't know if I can.

    I'm just confused and when I think more about it, I just feel worse.

    I'm sorry, I know its silly but thank you for listening if you have been.


  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    I have little words. Just know you're heard. Sometimes it helps to get things out; I hope you feel a bit better afte rthat. I also hope things with your boyfriend work out.

    You've got a lot on your plate. I know it's not easy. Time to hold on tight. Best wishes be to you.
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