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It's so close...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by music_junkie, Nov 21, 2008.

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  1. music_junkie

    music_junkie Well-Known Member

    I can feel the urge, the endless desire to die. To put an ending to the infinite.

    I haven't felt this way in years. I attempted when I was 16... had a note and everything, but at the last minute the rope broke. I remember being really tired after that... I slept for a long time.

    I am now a college junior. I am 20 yrs old and I feel as if I'm being a dramatic teenager. I am struggling with self-injury, cutting. It's the only thing that makes it better, makes me feel in control and gives me relief, if only temporary.

    But there is no clear course, no way I see that will make this better. I am isolated and alone. And these feelings, these unrelenting emotions that scare me because of their magnitude, because of their intensity... Night falls and I feel Death calling me, beckoning...

    I dont know if I can resist anymore.

    I want the certainty. I want the end. I want the darkness and the peace. I want control. I want to take action. I want to make it all go away.

    I want to feel nothing.
  2. Dude i wish i had the strength to kill myself... I just cant get the courage. I have tried twice, but every time i get close, i chicken out. I need to man up and just do it, and stop posting on a suicide site and become the statistic I was born to be.
  3. music_junkie

    music_junkie Well-Known Member

    Hang on to the fear, and the hope, taht comes along with it... I wish I still had access to it.
  4. The hope? The hope of success?
  5. music_junkie

    music_junkie Well-Known Member

    No, the other kind. It seems, at least for me, that fear, the instinctual need to survive, hardwired into us as human beings, also comes with a faint glimmer of hope that things might get better.

    I seem to have lost access to both the fear and the hope...
  6. shit. Idk dude, i just dont know anymore.
  7. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    i envy those of you who want to die, my body is telling me to live, though I cant live with these issues I am dealing with

    I dont know how someone gets the ability to kill themselves or want to die
  8. I want to die most everyday, i just dont have the balls to actually do it.
  9. starry01

    starry01 Member

    That's how it feels for me too :sad: I wouldn't choose death, but I can't live like this...
  10. music_junkie

    music_junkie Well-Known Member

    I am truly sorry that all of you are feeling as low as I am. No one should have to experience this type of endlessness. I would not wish this on even the worst of my enemies.
  11. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    so you actually want to die, what is your reason, I wish I was healthier otherwise I would have no desire to kill myself I envy some people
  12. onyxangel

    onyxangel Member

    I am 22, not much older then you and i have been cut free for about 8 or 9 months now. though to be honest the urges are getting stronger. In the past when i wanted to see how long i could last with out cutting, I went to blood drives or blood banks, if i could find any, and Donated blood. Not exactly the same release but the pain from the needle and the ache after words helped suppress the urge. Just an Idea For what its worth i hope this helps you
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