It's so hard to hold on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The Depressed Puppy, Sep 11, 2014.

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  1. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    I've been considering suicide. More,& more. Multiple times. I'm fantasizing about my death. Looking up videos, watching things about suicide. And now, I'm researching suicide. I'm so desperate to leave. I wish I had <mod edit - methods> If I did, I'd be gone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    then hun instead of spending so much time and energy on researching ways to leave us that time and energy to get you some help ok A gun is not a sure way ok i have seen people who did not succeed using that method and they only suffered more afterwards You stop wasting your energy and focus on ways to get help to get support to get you out of that dark hole you are in hugs
  3. The Depressed Puppy

    The Depressed Puppy Well-Known Member

    I want to get help. I also want to die. More then getting help.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know ok i know that feeling too but if you could just try to reach out for some help that feeling would lessen ok and you would not feel so low Please reach out ok to your doctor who can help you hugs
  5. Alone

    Alone Member

    Your quote is beautiful. Please don't hurt yourself. I truly know that it's easier said than done but you want to seek help, that is wonderful. Listen to that part of yourself. Take one day at a time and try to stay rational x
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2014
  6. MisterBGone


    I just want you to get help, too... Please do! You should be feeling much, much better than this. I'm so sorry for you! Good luck.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Presumably you are like the majority on here- you want to die because you are tired of the pain and having a hard time seeing an end to the pain in any other manner than suicide. If that is the case then you can try to break some of the cycle, but really you are the only one that can do it. It is easy when getting to this point and this low to indulge in it and to in fact seek it out- listen to the sad songs when you are already sad and think about the painful things - because it is easy to associate them and for some reason we take perverse pleasure in making things that hurt hurt even more. The simple fact is when you spend all day and night intentionally researching methods and watching videos of suicide and methods to indulge that pain and to make it feel worse it is not surprising at all it gets worse. You are choosing to make it feel that way. You can choose to instead listed to a different music, to not research methods. You can choose to read on the treatments and therapies that work to ease the pain and depression just as easily as to dive in deeper with the pain and the constant suicidal goals and thoughts. You choose not to.

    If you want the pain to end or at the very least to start getting less intense then put a sticky note or something on your computer to remind yourself to look up "Coping methods for depression" instead of methods for suicide. Spend some time fantasizing about a perfect day where you are happy and things are good- you can choose to do that just as easily if you decide to. You are obsessing and you know you are, so make a different choice in what to read, watch and listen to and the obsession will abate. But it is a choice. Having the thoughts come is not really a choice, they will come. How you react to them and what you do when they do come is all on you.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
  8. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi such feelings are strong in me too. However, you made the choice to come here to share your feelings with us. Deep inside, you want to help yourself. To be honest, I have also read up as much as I can on suicide methods and one reason I stopped myself from spending too much time on it is: if I am so determined I want to die despite what anybody says, I want to do something useful for others to reflect on, so that nobody with similar circumstances will feel as helpless as I am now.

    I know from past news reports (a few years back) that some of my countrymen actually succeeded in evading the suspicion of members of the public and died in a way that is not very gruesome. But that is not the point here. I don't feel happy for them. I have mixed feelings of deep sympathy and despise. This group of people actually spent months preparing just so that they can die in the least painful way. They are not suffering from chronic or terminal illness and neither are they handicapped in any way. What is reported is that it is something to do with their academic and career expectations. The full story is still unknown to public.

    My thoughts are, they are so smart, so focused and organised...But they are using those skills in such a way that benefits no one but themselves. In a way, they got what they wanted, however, they are sending a very twisted message to the society at present and perhaps in the near future; especially to those suffering from long-term depression or those who just don't value life as something precious.

    I like your signature. If a dog is capable of a loving heart, how about a human like you? I hope your answer one day will be: yes, I can and perhaps I can try to do even more.

    Take care and be safe. :hug1:
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