I have been with this man for years. i am only 18, he was my first, he is 23, he got me pregnant with our daughter when I was 13, and we just recently lost our second. i have done everything for him, i ran away when i was younger, i stole, i lied, i went to jail, i mean everything that you could imagine, i cut his name across my legs to show him how much i love him! i know he is abusive and i know i should leave, i watched my mom get beat my whole childhood. but its so damn hard, he has sent me to the ER three times, once he broke my nose, and the second was when he kicked me in the back so hard that he broke my tail bone and once he came in the bathroom and I was cutting myself, after we had got into a big argument and he got the razor and cut my face (not that badly) and my hands(i had to get stitches). and im just so damn stupid, i mean i could fight him, i can fight, but my fukd up logic is, if i hit him, he will hit me harder and someone will hear us from our apartment and call the police, and i don't want him to go to jail! its sick how we live, i don't like getting hit, despite what my little brother tells me, i just love him, he is my everything, he is the only man who has ever loved me. when he is in a good mood, and we are happy, he is so sweet, hes so funny and nice, but when he's mad its a whole different him. he says things he dosent mean when he is mad, like im ugly, fat, nasty looking, but he dosent realize i already thought those things about myself, and idk, i just wish there was a way to get him to change. do ya think I am just stupid, wishing something that will never come true? or maybe If he gets counseling or something he could change?