Its so hard

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by TrueBeauty18, Feb 5, 2009.

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  1. TrueBeauty18

    TrueBeauty18 New Member

    I have been with this man for years. i am only 18, he was my first, he is 23, he got me pregnant with our daughter when I was 13, and we just recently lost our second. i have done everything for him, i ran away when i was younger, i stole, i lied, i went to jail, i mean everything that you could imagine, i cut his name across my legs to show him how much i love him! i know he is abusive and i know i should leave, i watched my mom get beat my whole childhood. but its so damn hard, he has sent me to the ER three times, once he broke my nose, and the second was when he kicked me in the back so hard that he broke my tail bone and once he came in the bathroom and I was cutting myself, after we had got into a big argument and he got the razor and cut my face (not that badly) and my hands(i had to get stitches). and im just so damn stupid, i mean i could fight him, i can fight, but my fukd up logic is, if i hit him, he will hit me harder and someone will hear us from our apartment and call the police, and i don't want him to go to jail! its sick how we live, i don't like getting hit, despite what my little brother tells me, i just love him, he is my everything, he is the only man who has ever loved me. when he is in a good mood, and we are happy, he is so sweet, hes so funny and nice, but when he's mad its a whole different him. he says things he dosent mean when he is mad, like im ugly, fat, nasty looking, but he dosent realize i already thought those things about myself, and idk, i just wish there was a way to get him to change. do ya think I am just stupid, wishing something that will never come true? or maybe If he gets counseling or something he could change?
  2. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    You are certainly not stupid for holding out hope, after you have been through so much it just has to get better....

    It has to.
  3. low

    low Member

    I don't know your whole story, and it's easy for people to see the woman only's side in physical abuse situations. Without meaning any disrespect to you:

    You should leave him, and you should do it when he isn't there and you know he will be out for a while. Do it quickly, take your daughter and leave, so that he can't physically stop you or try to emotionally.

    If you feel close to or at least secure with your parents, stay with them. If he is a pshycho, staying with a single female freind is not the best option for obvious reasons. I'm quite sure the government has to help you out if you have no where to go. You can go to citizens advice to find out more on this.

    I feel personally for you. When I was 13 my sister was in a physical abuse relationship. He was into drugs, so was she. He was a chava, a radgie or a thug if you like, and he was also Schizophrenic, he could turn and go nuts quite suddenly.

    Truth be told I never liked my sister. I do now, I'm happy to have her as a sister. I wish good things for her. But back then I never liked her, she used to torment me when I was a kid, she has been incredibly spiteful to my mother, she was a bitch.

    I remember the phone calls, and I remember the phone call at 3 o'cklock in the morning with my sister screaming down the phone, my father and my brother going up, having my half naked baby nephew handed to my brother threw a window whilst he banged on the door.

    Okay he may not be like that, but if he is hitting you and has hospitalised you, then you should get out. He loves you?...well personally I don't think he does otherwise he simply wouldn't hit you. But how many thousands of women accross the world in a physical abuse relationship do you think can change their man and stay with a person for 'love'?

    I don't want to make you feel bad, I want you to feel better, but I need to say this. You need to get out and if you put your daughter, keep your daughter around someone like that then you are stupid.

    Now it's...12 years later. My sister is doing alot better, my Nephew moved back in with her a couple of years ago, after he lived with us. She doesn't look beaten or like a skeleton anymore. They have smiling photographs of them around the house.

    Things will be better.

    Perhaps you can save your relationship, he may be to stop through counsilling, though I'm skeptical of this...but you need to do it properly through the correct channels, and safely, and he needs to see what he stands to loose, not know you will stay and take it all of the time.
  4. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It is hard... The bottom line is - you have to take care of your child and you.

    If you don't want to think of it as permanent - which it might have to be- give yourself boundaries and limits. In other words leave a note - I want us to get through this somehow together, but I will never put up with abuse within my home again.

    Get help. Get counseling. Go somewhere he can't get to you. If your mother took beatings, you were not taught how a safe home could be, and she might not have the strength to help you.

    You deserve better, your child deserves better.

    It takes amazing strength to get out but it is worth it. Don't look at the past and the number of years, look foward. It is possible for life to get better - I left my husband with my children after 26 years of marriage and I am so glad now that I did. At the time, however, it was the hardest thing to do.

    Get safe, Stay safe, Keep reaching out.
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