It's starting again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by wheresmysheep, Jul 28, 2011.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I can feel a low has already creeped in on me, and its got its hooks in me. The last low that felt this full on, gripped me for 2 years, with weekly distraught and on edge with nuemorous plans.

    I'm alone, forgotten. I've worn myself out again, caring, and trying to please others yet again.
    People forget too quickly that they are not the soul people in distress, just if people dont show it, shout it through a megaphone, or tell every mick joe and harry they meet that they are in a bad place.
    But i forget, once you get better once your fine.
    Getting it from all angles, I dont have any 'safe place' to be. no where to be content. nothing.

    Could be: Third low lucky maybe? then will be free form this shit.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Em, incase you miss me email, I'll be about around midnight; hang in there :hug:
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hey E (don't know whether to use your name here ;)),

    What I do know is you aren't alone here (on SF) or forgotten. I hope you choose a few select loved ones IRL and bring this topic up with them, or anything else that might help others get the hint that you're not feeling well.

    By the way, in the SF chatroom, in the few times I've seen you, you've been a caring chat monitor, and you help others. I hope you're lucky this time and this last low subsides really soon. :hugtackles:
     
  4. clairedelune

    clairedelune Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I've been like that these days. Not knowing where I actually belong. Who are the people to trust. To whom do we need to run and talk to about whatever is bothering us. So, I guess SF is the right place on earth where I should belong. Because it feels more than family here. SO I'm telling you you're not alone. We're here for each other and we must all hold on.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are feeling this way...maybe reaching out to your physician or counselor before you go so low might be a good idea...and keep talking...I know how you feel, as I go through that periodically myself, and I also know that I feel more isolated than I truly am at times...J
     
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I'm currently cut of from GP and counsellors rigth now. I've been out of my mothers town 9months but have not been able to get a new gp as they are all full in my catchment area, my Psych team just told me to go through my new GP as they dont know the services in dublin (which is a load of bull) what kind of psych system would go; okay your bipolar, we cant have you on meds, we cant offer you DBT, so your on your own.
    load of shit if you ask me.

    so yeah, im alone in terms of medical help, unless i want to attepmt and try a&e yet again, which my previous visits to dublin city centre a&e after attempts left me with no help and my partner being told 'she's just attention seeking' - not joking about that, was straight from a psychologists mouth too. lovely in this country i swear.
    I'm 'alone' in terms of RL as i dont have genuine friends, the people ive been trying to socialise with drain me, self centred, fight over the most idiotic things ive ever heard of. people being catty, people being upset over people not drinking for 3days straight with them, get a life for god sake!
    Yes this is life, yes this is how people are, but for me, id rather not be included in it.
    Here, well. here is here isnt it.
    This is teh most replies ive had on a thread in recent times. and i am truely greatful, but it doesnt fix the rejected feeling you recieve from it. and again, im not trying to say i am the only perosn going through this. but when you feel bad, yoru supposed to be able to voice it, and i dont actually ahve anywhere else to voice it.

    I have my partner, thats it. he is dristraught himself becuas eof the daily struggle he sees me in, to just function, to not scrub my skin off form OCD, form scratching at myself, from tryign to go outside the door, my constant pacing, my irational thoughts, my difficulty in piecing together a simple sentence. he doesnt knwo what to do as there isnt anything that can be done. except be there when i break down and dont lash out at him for trying to hold me to console me.

    so right now, im feeling utterly hopeless, agittatied, angry.

    Thank you all for replying, and ty alex for your kind words about me helping others.

    I got yoru email Terry, thanks.


    I'm only trying.
     
  7. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hiya Em,

    Wow, that is terrible! :( I'm never moving to Ireland if their system treats people like that. Even more so refusing to supply meds when you're bipolar... dang. You're right. What a bunch of bull.

    An idea just popped up into my head. Is it possible you can hire a housekeeper from maybe outside of Ireland or in Ireland (I don't know if it's possible but just an out-of-the-blue thought). Maybe he/she could lift some of the workload that you and your partner have to get done since it looks like his health is deteriorating too (like you said).

    :hugtackles:

    Best wishes,

    Alex
     
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Theyre not refusing medication - sorry i shouldve been clearer- im not in a possition to take it becuase mood stabalizers dont agree with me, they cause me to shake its from long term/high doses of mood stabalizers, has a name but i cant rememreb it.
    If i shake i cant draw, cant draw will become drepressed, cant draw no job. etc etc etc. (and i say will becuase this has happened to me before, so i came off teh medication and thus has me in teh current medication-less situation)

    we live below the bread line, so much so taht teh bread line is a dot to us.
    many weeks we dont have food. so getting a house keeper isnt an option.
    He can still function, hes just distraught when im distraught, seeing someone you care for in taht state that kinda thing, but it tends to roll off his back and he can function fair enough, he just doesnt knwo what to do to help, and neither do i really.
    I shout at him regularly for no good reason, hes only doing what he can to help, but he'll do it teh wrong way such as have teh plate facing the wrogn way if we have food and he cooks, or her prepares the food the wrong way, and i just loose it, and its horrible to keep doing that to him.

    there not really work load persay, just functioning normally. i cant do it
     
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I understand. Thanks for painting an even better picture of what's going on with you. :hugtackles:
     
  10. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Emmas :hug:

    I really do understand where you are coming from. The lows are awful.

    Hell, I had my water turned off yesterday because I didn't pay the bill. Had the money just didn't do it. Hows that for being stuck?

    I know you are in a shit situation with getting medical help. The only thing I can think of is keep calling and try to get a cancellation.

    Also not all AP cause tardive dyskenesia (the tremors). But I know you are hesitatant to try them because of the issues involved. I wish I had an answer for you.

    And yes, sometimes we are in great pain and don't feel how to voice it. Or what to do with it.

    Anyways, I am available to you or anyone else, to chat or just listen.

    You are not alone.
     
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Yeah i know Angie, but you know why i cant do it right now, im not apposed to it, I'd be delighted with a tablet that could help with these happenings, but how much it'll set me back to find the right one and that. And untill i get a decent psych who actually listens i cant see anythign decent being done.
    Cant get psych without a GP
    And thus the cycle continues.
    sigh

    Thank you for replying you two :hug:
     
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