1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

It's Still There

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Linny, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    It's been great the past few days. I've talked to a lot of people, gone out, done well at work. But it's still there. When I'm by myself and I realize no one has their attention on me, that it doesn't matter to them, that they're not waiting for me like I'm waiting for them. I don't have inspiration to read my book or to finish my project but I'm too awake to sleep. I can't keep relying on people. But I can't stop relying either. I keep everyone at arm's length because once I try to inch them closer I realize what I'm doing late at night when I'm by myself with my thoughts and I vow not to keep doing it. I've got certain play lists I don't listen to anymore because I don't want to be that person. I'm halfway like that person because that part is literally who I am - the cocky asshole who's got a problem with everyone. But I also love everyone because I want people around me. If I listen to the songs, I remember I'm useless to them and they're all expendable to me anyways and I'll be gone and by myself. They'll get over it just like I will. I'm secluded and I'm keeping myself fenced off. And maybe that's where I should stay. Stop being so soft and cuddly. Get back to who I was. Harsh, hard corners, clean cut. Let's take it back to the days where nothing hurt us but ourselves. I got shit done then. Now a days it's all kinds of hurt just because I'm confused. There were less tears then. Maybe we'll go back.
  2. Marga

    Marga Active Member

    Hi Linny, I know how you feel and I am sorry for the fact that you feel like this. I can especially relate to the part about 'keeping people at arn's lenght'. I do that too and find it difficult to overcome. I think the point is to try and open to people when one meets them. To trust them and let them know you and get close. It's so difficult, i know. I was able to do it at a certain point in my life and it totally changed my relationshipwith people. I think that if you open up to people and stay so they will be your friends. I was able to do it when i was with my ex. But after we broke up I shut again and thus lost the other people too. But it's easier to start opening to new people I think. You could try that when you go out next time. Just a suggestion... Keep well otherwise.