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It's Still There

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Linny, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. Linny

    Linny Active Member

    It's been great the past few days. I've talked to a lot of people, gone out, done well at work. But it's still there. When I'm by myself and I realize no one has their attention on me, that it doesn't matter to them, that they're not waiting for me like I'm waiting for them. I don't have inspiration to read my book or to finish my project but I'm too awake to sleep. I can't keep relying on people. But I can't stop relying either. I keep everyone at arm's length because once I try to inch them closer I realize what I'm doing late at night when I'm by myself with my thoughts and I vow not to keep doing it. I've got certain play lists I don't listen to anymore because I don't want to be that person. I'm halfway like that person because that part is literally who I am - the cocky asshole who's got a problem with everyone. But I also love everyone because I want people around me. If I listen to the songs, I remember I'm useless to them and they're all expendable to me anyways and I'll be gone and by myself. They'll get over it just like I will. I'm secluded and I'm keeping myself fenced off. And maybe that's where I should stay. Stop being so soft and cuddly. Get back to who I was. Harsh, hard corners, clean cut. Let's take it back to the days where nothing hurt us but ourselves. I got shit done then. Now a days it's all kinds of hurt just because I'm confused. There were less tears then. Maybe we'll go back.
     
  2. Marga

    Marga Active Member

    Hi Linny, I know how you feel and I am sorry for the fact that you feel like this. I can especially relate to the part about 'keeping people at arn's lenght'. I do that too and find it difficult to overcome. I think the point is to try and open to people when one meets them. To trust them and let them know you and get close. It's so difficult, i know. I was able to do it at a certain point in my life and it totally changed my relationshipwith people. I think that if you open up to people and stay so they will be your friends. I was able to do it when i was with my ex. But after we broke up I shut again and thus lost the other people too. But it's easier to start opening to new people I think. You could try that when you go out next time. Just a suggestion... Keep well otherwise.