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It's the end

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birdy

Well-Known Member
#1
am depressed. i have no happy memories...i'm 16, not sure if that is good or bad...my depressions are killing me, my mind is killing me...

i planned on killing myself last saturday...well i didn't. i stayed alive for my friends...i promised myself and others that i'd wait for a month to check how it all turns out...
well it didnt get any better...it just got worse... i cant stand this anymore...
i am fucking dieing...
no. i am dead. i died last saturday. i am a corpse. not alive or dead. i am worse than dead. i am myself. fuck.
 
#2
Hey birdy, have you tried talking to your friends and getting support from them? If you didn't kill yourself because of them, then that must mean they care about you and you care about them. At times like this we benefit from having someone to talk to. Have you seen a doctor about your depression? How about speaking to a family member? You said you were waiting to see how things turn out, is there anything in particular you want changed in your life to help this depression lift? Please take care of yourself. :hug:
 

birdy

Well-Known Member
#3
my family is the cause for all this...they drove me to this...
and to my friends...some know some dont...the ones who dont know are too ignorant to accept that the world is black.
well i didnt see a doctor...i cant...im not strong enough...i am a coward...
what do i want to have changed...i dont care...something...no matter what...everything is better than this...if only a small thing changed id be happy, or at least as happy as i can be, however nothing changes, if something, it gets worse, if it is even possible...
 
#5
I just read your other thread and I read how your parents are treating you and I can understand how much this could effect you, no one should have to put up with treatment like that. Do you have a relative you get on best with? Maybe if you could talk to one relative and explain to them how hurt you are they can speak to your parents on your behave. Sometimes, a kick in the rear and a slap from reality can be enough for people to think how much their actions effect others. You've probably already tried this but how about talking to your parents when everything in the house is calm?

If the treatment at home is so bad, then your safety and wellbeing should come first and you should talk to someone outside of the family, like a family friend or even a teacher. I know it sounds daunting, you may not want to get your parents into trouble, but you shouldn't have to put up with this.

Speaking to the doctors can be a daunting experience but it will benefit you in the long run. Talking to your doctor doesn't take long, when you walk out of the room you will already have taken the first step to feeling better. The first step is the hardest, but the most worthwhile.

Things can change, you've just got to hang in there. I highly suggest you get outside support from a doctor/therapist because it sounds like you've got a lot going on right now. Things can get better, they will get better.

Take care of yourself. :hug:
 
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birdy

Well-Known Member
#6
thanks a lot !
well ill try to do it...dont have much to lose anyway...
so yeah, ill go see a doctor soon...
thanks again
 

smackh2o

SF Supporter
#7
Hey birdy!
You can give yourself a chance here you know. You've got either death or the doctors (or stay miserable). I think your in a rut right now and you need to change something. How was your birthday btw?

You know how you were saying you think you died last saturday? I felt like that all those months ago. I couldnt feel a thing, it was strange. Couldnt cry or laugh, just sat there, hardly thinking. But that stuff goes away, you've just shut off your mind to everything with a single symbolic event. It's getting too much for you now and you cant stay where you are in life, you must go to the doctors and let them help you. Doctors is better than death me thinks. Also, those friends, find out which ones care and talk to them Like resistance saod, speaking to a doctor is daunting. But the liberation you can get from it and the total change in things can be crazy. Someone once told me, if you find it hard to tell people something, write it all down on some paper and then when you go into tell them things, just hand them the paper and say ide rather you read this please. That way its allthere and you dont need to think and trip over your words. I hope you go see someone about this. All the best!
 
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