I understand how you are feeling right now, J. I really do. But trust me, the release you are looking for is only more painful.
You can make it through, just find things that make you feel better. Some people write, some watch happy movies or listen to happy tunes. Some people just need to talk it out, it doesn't matter if the person you are talking to has no answers, just that they are listening, and not pretending to as they wait for their turn to talk.
Even if you feel that you aren't good at writing or drawing, you should keep a journal. Write in blue ink when you are down, a brighter color when you feel that maybe things will be okay. Draw little doodles that show your feelings. It doesn't matter if it makes no since, it doesn't matter if you know nothing about writing or poetry, it doesn't matter if you can't draw, this is for you, no one else.
As you write, look back often. Re-read the passages in the brighter colors. Look at the doodles. This way you will always be able to look back on the things that make you feel happy or at peace, helping to keep you going. The blue isn't you, the bright is. The blue is just the illness, just the depression, the rest is all you my friend.