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It's Time. But, Feeling Scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tome811, Dec 5, 2010.

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  1. Tome811

    Tome811 Member

    I have put things into motion. Have downed about a half bottle of wine, and hope to have enough to get me through the next 6-12 hours. I'll also try to drink some kamikazes and hope to not vomit any of it up. I've started with a few pills of different variety. I hope they will be potent enough to do what I need.
    When I feel like I'm either about to black out or pass out, I will down a large number of the rest I have sitting on the counter.

    It's not a matter of if I should or could do it, it was a matter of when it would be a "must do it now" situation. I don't want to do it. I wish there was a choice or alternative I could find. But, there's now less than $50 in the bank and nothing but coins here in the house now. I have put three envelopes in the mail to be picked up when the mail carrier passes(which will be around 3pm or after on a Monday). That gives me time to try and do this and hope it works.

    As I've written before, no one cares. Anyone in my little piece of the world that says they do are flat out liars. No one cares now, so how can they possibly care when I'm gone?
    I'm not welcome here. I do not belong here. And have no way of continuing to stay here.

    There are a lot of suicides happening all around this world. The world class greed that is the only driving force of the nation I reside in is what's leading to many of them nearby. Things are only going to get worse.

    Some ask if you would want to know the date of your death. Whether you wish to know or not really sucks when it's a day that it "must" happen.

    I really wish there was something I could do to change the inevitable choice I have to make now. I have tried and tried to make an existence for myself here. I don't care to be wealthy, although it would be nice. And the lottery would be the only way it could happen for me. It would have been nice to just be able to exist. But everything everywhere is saying there's no way.

    So wish me luck in going into a peaceful sleep and my pet being rescued before he runs out of food and water. I'm placing large bowls of both for him to keep alive with. But when it's too much to ask that one of my two sisters to send me just a copy of my third sister's obituary, then I pray that my pet will be helped as I can't take care of him any longer. I love him so very much and pray he will be taken care of. He deserves it.
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Then stay alive for your pet
  3. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    Tome please don't, please call 911 and get some help. Please cuddle your pet, they love you nomatter what and to them you are their entire world, you feed them, love them, give them everything they need. Nomatter what your problems are you are perfect to them and their love is unconditional, they won't understand if you go but they would miss you and animals do feel sad. I don't know who else you have in your life that you love but there is at least one being who loves you in return. I know it may not seem much, but I only have my cat and it is enough to keep me going. Please don't do anything else, call 911.X
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't do this to yourself Tom. :sad:
  5. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member


    ive downed some wine, well rather lot with intention of downing the pills next but still too scared of waking up after... after reading what peeps say on here, ie od dont work.

    i hope ypu wake up and have a new realisation of life and want to live it!!

    i still got more wine to go!!
  6. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    i will be so regretting not taking teh pills in morning when head down loo!
  7. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    If you're feeling scared about it that should probably tell you it's not something you really want to do.
  8. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    Tome are you still with us, please let us know, we are worried about you, Please contact me, I sent you a PM please reply there if you prefer.X
  9. I agree with what`s said above. If you are scared, then that`s someone in you saying that I want to live.

    *warm hug*
    It`s not too late to make a better tomorrow, even if the road is hard. Everyone will die at some point. We`ve only got one chance to live. I know you are in a lot of pain. But if you kill yourself now, then you take away the one chance you`ve got the experience the good parts of life, that depression has stolen from you this far. You can make it out of this. There`s a life worth living outside of the box that`s depression.

    Don`t leave just yet. Not before you`ve given the good things a chance. There`s so much left to see, taste, feel and know. The depression has made you think there`s nothing out there for you. It`s a lie. Some of us have been where you are. Most of us, probably. I was there. Then I finally found that one person that could help me, and life is still hard, but at least I`ve experienced some wonderful things, which I am grateful I got to experience before I died. I`m not ready to quit on life yet, because I know that I`ve only experienced a small part of what`s out there, and I know there`s more. I never thought I`d get this far, but I did, and so can you. Recovery and healing is right there in front of you. It`s tough, it takes step. But you can do it. Listen to that voice that says it`s scared. Because that`s the voice of the part of you that knows what it`s giving up. A chance to experience the parts in life that makes life worth living. Don`t give up on yourself, don`t let the depression steal what you can have.

    You deserve more than this.
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