I have put things into motion. Have downed about a half bottle of wine, and hope to have enough to get me through the next 6-12 hours. I'll also try to drink some kamikazes and hope to not vomit any of it up. I've started with a few pills of different variety. I hope they will be potent enough to do what I need. When I feel like I'm either about to black out or pass out, I will down a large number of the rest I have sitting on the counter. It's not a matter of if I should or could do it, it was a matter of when it would be a "must do it now" situation. I don't want to do it. I wish there was a choice or alternative I could find. But, there's now less than $50 in the bank and nothing but coins here in the house now. I have put three envelopes in the mail to be picked up when the mail carrier passes(which will be around 3pm or after on a Monday). That gives me time to try and do this and hope it works. As I've written before, no one cares. Anyone in my little piece of the world that says they do are flat out liars. No one cares now, so how can they possibly care when I'm gone? I'm not welcome here. I do not belong here. And have no way of continuing to stay here. There are a lot of suicides happening all around this world. The world class greed that is the only driving force of the nation I reside in is what's leading to many of them nearby. Things are only going to get worse. Some ask if you would want to know the date of your death. Whether you wish to know or not really sucks when it's a day that it "must" happen. I really wish there was something I could do to change the inevitable choice I have to make now. I have tried and tried to make an existence for myself here. I don't care to be wealthy, although it would be nice. And the lottery would be the only way it could happen for me. It would have been nice to just be able to exist. But everything everywhere is saying there's no way. So wish me luck in going into a peaceful sleep and my pet being rescued before he runs out of food and water. I'm placing large bowls of both for him to keep alive with. But when it's too much to ask that one of my two sisters to send me just a copy of my third sister's obituary, then I pray that my pet will be helped as I can't take care of him any longer. I love him so very much and pray he will be taken care of. He deserves it.