and just make sure we have it all down this time; no screwups. i cant' stand the agony and i'm sick of people thinking we are doing thing to them when it seems to me to be the other way around in my case. so screw i'm, i'm done i just need to chat with an ex tonight to have him bleed all over me and make me feel like i'm not worth anything and then i'll have to wait until i get the things i'll neeed in the next day or so. then it's a trip to the liquor store and then some serious pain relief. it's time i've had it i can't stand the sadness and being abandoned and hurt by people who claim they love me and they really only want me alive for their own "selfish" reasons. i'm not being selfish... i signed up for the it will be better tomorrow future and it's just not and nothing helps and the fear just grows and grows each day and NOBODY gets it!!!! i'm sick sick sick of trying to make it better on my own and i've been told by a friend they don't know that they could have endured all i've had to suffer the last few years alone (ALONE) and be able to get as far as i have been and still not give up hope. well hope's done with, finite done it's over, GAME OVER!