Its time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by yorkie bar, Jan 2, 2010.

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  1. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    I know this is a pro life forum, but i really don't have a life anymore.

    My spirit has gone and been replaced by demons.


    I can't take it anymore.
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I know it seems as if all hope is gone but with support you can conquer those demons and your spirit never left you...trust me it is there, as I have seen who you are...the pain is clouding everything, there is hope
    Please talk to us some more and allow us to help you find a path out of this darkness.
    I am so sorry you are hurting yorkie! Please be strong and have hope.
    Lots of love Bambi
     
  3. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Stay with us, keep talking. It really can help. Whats got you feeling so low?
     
  4. Lincoln

    Lincoln Member

    Yorkie,

    I know the feeling too well (still have it too) and I know that I'm not very strong right now either but I am managing to stay around for now. I've got to go out right now and help a friend with something (I'm tech support for all my friends). Please PM me your story or post it here. Please stay strong tonight and don't do anything to harm yourself. I'll check back in a few hours.

    Lincoln
     
  5. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    Yorkie, talk to us...this feeling will subside if you fight it. Don't let it take over.
    We're here to listen so please make use of us.
    I'm not having a great time myself but I've managed to keep going for one more day, and one more day can make a difference in how you feel.
    Don't give up.
     
  6. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Sorry guys, i;lve only got one speed qat the moment and thats slow, and no i;m not inebriated, is that the word., no intoxiacated, no i'm not. my fingers just won;t work too well, but thankyou for your messages. xx
     
  7. MsMaggie

    MsMaggie New Member

    Please don't give up, Yorkie. There are reasons to stay. You were looking for them when you came to this place. Everyone here is looking and hoping. Stay and we'll find those reasons together.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey keep posting no matter how long it takes you. Get the dam pain out the sadness out This is the place to do it. People are here for you listening caring
    Each day can bring different things just fight to get throught tonight okay keep posting so we can help you stay strong If you can't stay strong then call crisis and they will help you stay strong you can do this reach out somemore and get help call hospital now and get the help you need to start feeling better.
     
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yorkie please check back in with us..you dropped off of here and PM and I am worried about you..are you out there?
    Love Bambi
     
  10. Lincoln

    Lincoln Member

    I'm back and I'm worried about you too. Talk to us.
     
  11. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    This is the most difficult thing i've ever had to do in my life, to talk to you. I admit defeat. I'm still here - rhe perfect suicide, huh. I've not even been sick, because i knew to take precautions. Is this body indestructible? maybe c will take care of that for me.

    I can't believe after what i took, i've no after effects at all. Not even a headache. But i'm still acutely suicidal, nothing has changed - and theres still 2 foot of snow outside, and a nice big hill at the back of my house. Its ironic, the sun is shining, and its like a picture postcard here today.

    I apologise for my behaviour on here. I did'nt wish to publicly humiliate myself on here, nor provide 'entertainment', nor to inflict pain on others. I simply don't have anyone as a couple of you know. Just reaching out for the slightest bit of human contact.........

    My first instincts today, i can't go on that site again, people waiting to see,whether out of interest, or out of concern, if i'm still here. Its so painful.

    But maybe i will give something to all of you. Because i'm a giver, not a user.
    I am on self destruct, but i am also very wise, as a member said. Do as i say, not as i do...............


    Mine , is not a simple story. I can't say this has happened, so thats why i'm feeling like this. There are multiple factors, with one root cause which i've never talked fully about to anyone, i guess because on one cares enough, or could understand.

    And i did try counseling once, but she sat and smiled at me so supersiliously, i wanted to slap her in the face. So that was that.

    I did try a personal development course too, after the 'event' , which left the whole room of people running out of the room in floods of tears, emotional wrecks, unable to stay in the room, with the 'power' that was there. I guess i impacted on everyone there that weekend, everyone thanked me,and most of them found 'closure'. I felt better for a short time, but i think there are some things you can never truly find 'closure' for, and believe me, i've tried so hard to forgive. I don't know why all this is coming out, but now i'm in tears, an emotional wreck

    This must have taken me nearly two hours just to get a few words out

    And to Bambi, i guess a must have fallen asleep, because i vaguely remembering waking up and crawling up the stairs, because my body felt like a lead weight.


    yorkie xx
     
  12. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey Yorkie so glad you are still with us! Please do not feel like a trouble or burden to us as you suggest! You are family now and you are my friend and are always welcome here. You did not humiliate yourself nor did you inflict any pain on us...that is what we are hear for to lean on during the hard times...if that is months then so be it we are here...hell look at some of the join dates and number of posts members have we aint going anywhere.

    I had a total freak out once and even got made and called a member a lot of nasty names (I got an infraction for that) I was just in a bad bad headspace and I too felt funny about coming back but ya know what everyone understands...pain makes us act out of character a lot of the times but we see the REAL you and accept you.

    I noticed that you write very well have you considered a diary? You can do one here..either public or private or do as I do and have one on my google account under a fake name...it really helps to get the thoughts out and make them more tangible to deal with. I have a real problem of fixating on one negative thought over and over and writing help.

    I love that you are going to be here for others...honestly sometimes I reach out just as much for myself as for the other person but that is how it is with family isn't it ..give and take (well sometimes lots of taking huh?). Well it was just a thought as I noticed your lovely writing and keep ability to put difficult thoughts in to words.

    So what do you have planned for the day?

    I am here for you anytime..Bambi the Eccentric
     
  13. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Thanks Bambi

    You just made me laugh:laugh:

    My main objevtove today is -- nothing --

    Trying to get over my failed attempt. I must haves insides like a tank, and i'm only little. Feeling more woozy and dizzy as the day goes on.

    Trying to think of some witty comments for Tam, but not quite made it there yet!

    Love ya loads xx :hugtackles:
     
  14. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you gave your body a real betting...if you feel sleepy then treat yourself to a nap...you need to be gentle with yourself as you are in the middle of very trying times and it does not good to beat yourself up or to push yourself to the point of inability to act..i know this from experience..
     
  15. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Yorkie, never mind the witty comments, what you've just said in your last post is REALLY worrying. Have you od'ed last night? And that you are feeling worse as the day goes on, that doesn't sound right at all. I think you ought to get yourself to a&e or even call emergency because you may well have damaged yourself and if you leave it, it could be too late - you could end up still alive but permanently damaged. How are you feeling now?
     
  16. yorkie bar

    yorkie bar Well-Known Member

    Haha you just made me laugh.

    But on a serious note, i'm still feeling the 'effects', and i've got to go to work tomorrow, and put on that 'mask ' which is even more worrying.


    God, that sounds really trite. I really appreciate the support people are giving me, and i guess at the moment i'm trying to pull myself together, by helping others and being humourous, because thats who i am. Aaaargh, that sounds even worse. I can't find the words at the moment.


    love yorkie xx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2010
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