it's time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bonbon718, Feb 3, 2012.

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  1. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I started the meds almost a month ago. Only instead of getting better, the depression is way worse. I'm ready to give up.

    I have very strong urges to start preparing. To give away my stuff, to start the goodbyes.

    I don't feel happy or at peace with this, but something inside me is saying I need to do it.
     
  2. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Hi,
    I just joined today and this is my first post so bear with me. I was feelin just the same about 6 hours ago but I read thru enough posts to get myself off the suicidal track. You can do it tpo Bonnie! I never thought I would feel better but now I do. Please try and find a way to distract yourself long enough for the worst feelings to pass. Even though I am new I know that lots of people here care a lot about you and don't want to lose you; I know I don't! Please give yourself some time before you start down that road ok? You are doing the right thing by coming here and letting you know how you feel. It really can and will get better if you just give yourself a chance. And please remember that your life does not have to meet some society standard to be ok; i know mine falls way short. Hugs to you

    Billyd
     
  3. BigTomTooToo

    BigTomTooToo Well-Known Member

    I'm depressed! All winter :0 Totally blows, I'd be long gone if it wasn't for family. Almost a shame. I'm too eager to give up. I go up down round round like a rollercoaster.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hopeyou told your doctor abut how meds make yu feel Please tell doc okay and try different ones that will work Not time to give up yet hun okay keep trying it take time to find right meds that work hugs
     
  5. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    Billyd, I've done this too many times to go through it again. I don't think I can.
     
  6. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I did tell her and she put me on something else. I just manage to screw up or fail at everything I do. This probably won't be any different.
     
  7. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    Just to be clear, I'm not ready to die tonight. I just feel it is going to be soon, and am beginning to prepare for it.
     
  8. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Bonnie,
    You have already shown you are strong enough to get through this. Extreme depression brings out what I like to call the "inner liar" in us. I saw it referred in a article as the "garbage truck". No matter what you call it, that sucker just fills us up with thoughts that are so untrue. I have to remind myself constantly when I get suicidal of what my sister told me: Don't always believe what you think! I know you are loved and the world just would be a much worse place without you. Please don't start making preparations yet cuz the further you get down that road the more dangerous it becomes. How about waiting until tomorrow to go any further? You can always start prepping again if you feel like it then. For me at least, distracting myself with anything I can to get my mind off of how bad I feel always helps even though its not easy. You are worth it Bonnie. And things really can get better. 7 months ago I was a $120 a day heroin addict and I never thought I could stop after ten years of that crap. But I surprised myself and somehow did it. Life is far from perfect but it's better. Please give yourself a chance; you can do it and it feels really good when you manage to stand down from being suicidal. Hugs to you

    BillyD
     
  9. humdrum22

    humdrum22 Member

    Think it over, please?
     
  10. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I'll try to wait a day if I can.
    Every time I close my eyes I see and feel an extreme darkness come over me that is so strong I can barely stand it. It's so hard to fight that darkness. It drowns out any positive thoughts I manage to have.

    Thanks for your words, billy. I will try to hold on to them.
    And humdrum, that simple request makes me feel like someone cares. Thank you.
     
  11. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Outstanding Bonnie! it sounds like you've turned the corner and took the off ramp you needed. Try and enjoy the lightening of your mood as you experience this breathing space. Great job my friend I am happy and honored to have met ya. Hugs

    BillyD
     
  12. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I don't think I can do this. There is no lightening mood. Things just keep getting worse as the day goes on. I can't keep on living like this.
     
  13. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Bonnie I know your a fighter cuz you have gotten thru this before. Don't let the bastard win! You need to get your mind off of how bad u feel. Listen to some "Rocky" type music that will encourage you to keep fightn. It's a oldie but Fight the good fight by Triumph picks me up. Think about the tunes you have and listen to something that picks you up.

    BillyD
     
  14. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I don't know if I can do this. I'm just so tired.
     
  15. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Bonnie what you are tired of is suffering. Thats why you need something to distract yourself from thinking about how bad you feel. What do you like to do when you are not hurting?
     
  16. BigTomTooToo

    BigTomTooToo Well-Known Member

    I was going through the same thing for two weeks straight, I'm a bit better now.. stay busy, stay active
     
  17. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    It's been so long I can hardly remember.
    And I don't have anyone I can call to distract or help me.
    I feel like the end is near.
     
  18. wpdnomad

    wpdnomad Member

    Bonnie I don't have anyone either which is why I get on here and talk to cool peeps like yourself. Something that keeps me going is the thought that if I off myself I might just have to come back and do the whole damn thing over again. That would suck huh? Please lets hang together and just make it through this horrid weekend. I would miss you real bad if you went away

    BillyD
     
  19. bonbon718

    bonbon718 Well-Known Member

    I'll try to make it through the weekend. Today is especially bad because it ia the first anniversary of my dad's death. I don't know if I can even get through today.
     
  20. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    (((((((Bonnie)))))))... I'm so sorry you're struggling, Sweetness. Please know that I'm here for you and am rooting for you to survive. I won't be on much today, but please feel free to PM me anytime, and I'll get back to you as soon as I see it. Sending love, hugs and friendship...T :console:
     
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