Its too damn difficult!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wollie, Aug 24, 2012.

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  1. wollie

    wollie Member

    I'm 26 years old, most of my life I've been lonely and sad, I wanted/want to become a writer, I tried achieve that only to end up with no money and no degree, I have been treating my dying dad for a few years watching him whither a way then die, my girlfriend that I've been with and intended to marry left me for a rich psychiatrist doing that as if I was a used tampon by SMS, my siblings are suing my mom and I for the house we live in. till now I have failed with everything I wanted to accomplish, the only thing that is still keeping me alive is the thought of my elderly mother, but I can't take much more of this, the failures the death, the thinking of my love being held and f**d by someone else, it's like I'm being raped, every day I scream and cry my guts out, I don't know how long I'll be around
     
  2. letmego3

    letmego3 Well-Known Member

    Hi wollie,

    I can relate to you because my life is not exactly full of joy either. I'm sorry about your girlfriend man that kind of shit happens to alot of people around the world. I hope you find another girlfriend thats much better. Just hang on in there take it one day at a time and maybe things will not be as bad as you thought. If you want tick off each day that you successfully make it through and be proud of yourself that your still here. I can understand you staying alive for your mother I'm in a similar position. I'm sorry I can't offer any other advice other than take life one day at a time. Any how life is tough but i wish you the best in pulling through whatever life throws at you.
     
  3. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    yes wollie. take one day at a time please
    once you can get over you ex gf, things will be easier for you to cope with

    hugs
     
  4. wollie

    wollie Member

    Thank you for the support

    Yes my gf leaving me is tough but it's the "cherry" on the cake, and btw I feel exactly like the veterinarian on the movie "The Getaway" if you don't know that movie, I think it's a good one, go see it and check what happens to the veterinarian. it does happen to a lot of people around the world, you can say that about death "yes your dad died, you're lucky that your mother still alive some people had their 2 parents dead at the ages of 4-5" and it can go on like the " four yorkshiremen" sketch "you're lucky, my whole family was burned in a fire that was started by crazy hooligans that made me sweep the ashes afterwards and eat it" only there are people that can't handle some " mundane" sorrows, I'm trying to take a day at the time, for a long time now hanging by a thread I'm still trying achieving my goals, what I'm saying is, thank you for the support, life should have a warning sign "it's tough all over not suited for everyone" and I'm not sure it is suited for me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2012
  5. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    Hey, have you looked into 'game'? As in, pick up artistry? Check out the blog heartiste.wordpress.com - it's kind of difficult to follow to begin with but after you read a few posts you'll get the general gist of it. <Mod Edit - Acy - Vulgar>

    Sorry to hear about your parents, my parents are always abusing each other and it drives me crazy but at least they're not physically dying.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2012
  6. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hey woolie, just wanted to chime my two cents here. Your love for your ex gf clearly shows how much integrity you have. You also have a deeper sense of love then she does and you should honour that capacity you have and allow yourself time to grieve the losses you have experienced.

    “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?”

    Also here capacity for suffering and pain are alot lower then yours. Do you really think that there is a relationship out there that doesn't experience suffering and pain. Next time it happens she'll jump ship again and again. Anyway I know how you feel and the only solace I get is that my ex doesn't understand grief and doesn't understand suffering, and more importantly doesn't want to. Take care.
     
  7. wollie

    wollie Member

    First black beauty, thank you for the reply, and the sympathy, yes I'm familiar with the pickup artistry, I have read several books about it includes "the Tao of bad ass" by Joshua Pellicer, it doesn't make me feel any better though, I thought that she is different, and she was, then she changed to be one of the common, yet I still have deep feelings and admiration for her, hay, go figure, by that definition of the woman's mind set I'm not a man. Man shouldn't have feelings coz that shows they can deal with anything coming at them. I'm a very sensitive person, I think I can be a fun person, yet very sensitive, the low is very low and the high is extremely high. I don't want another and I don't want to feel anything like this again, what brings me to you exkend.

    I thank you as well for showing your sympathy trying to bring some solace. I have a difficulty with the notion of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", I think it just leaves you scared, if I may take an extreme yet effective example, the war veterans, those who experienced real battle I mean, experienced death and shock in the most terrible way possible, I don't think they come out stronger, they come out different in some cases a bit numb, now I'm not saying by any means that I have even began scratching that kind of surface, I'm saying that misery is not your friend, it won't teach you anything about yourself but how much you can withstand, how strong of person you are, those who are strong already poses that lets say "quality" that's why, when agencies and army are testing recruits for elite combat units they test mostly mental ability or more accurately "the ability to withstand emotional and physical pain" they are not looking for man who are not already mentally strong doesn't matter what other very useful qualities they have, a man is not a cup or a sword or a wall, a man can become an idea but in the end of the day, a man is just a man.
    Anyway that is my opinion.

    The things is like I already mentioned, it is a process I went thru, the loneliness most of my life, the fact that I'm 26 with nothing ,my dad who got sick and I took care of him 24/7 for several years, after he died I was already on my way out, then came my love, then a bigger hole , I don't know what will be next, and not really kin on finding out but for now, for the sake of my mother I should become some kind of a robot, a machine, doing things just for doing it, I still don't want to live, and well, it can go either way now

    thank you all
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2012
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