It's Too Much... I should Die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lebaneseSufferer, Apr 19, 2014.

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  1. lebaneseSufferer

    lebaneseSufferer New Member

    Well what you need to know is that I live in a closed minded society and I am a Gay person... I tried for as many years as i could but now it's over, I can't take this anymore i want to die! Today I went on a date, i was very happy It's been a long time... but he didn't like me at all and it was obvious! I am trying to leave this country! but It's not happening! I am working a full time job and a part time job also I am an Assistant at my university not to mention that i also am during my last semester!! too many things to do and no one is by my side... nobody likes me, I killed my social life only so i can support myself... I live in a homophobic environment I just can't take it anymore I feel like I'm an outsider, a Sinner, a Disgrace to my family and to God... Please I just want to Die...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope once your education is done and you have the finances you can move to a place where you are free to be yourself Hold on to that ok it can be possible hugs
     
  3. lebaneseSufferer

    lebaneseSufferer New Member

    Thank you for your response. I will do my best getting out of my location! I just feel like an outsider, i feel inside that I'm not supposed to live here i should be somewhere else... hopefully it will happen!
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry to hear that you are living under these circumstances. I hope you can get to a country with people who respect who you are and what you choose. Please just keep envisioning this. Keep the hope alive that you will leave Lebanon and move to the place of your choice. I am glad you found this website and community.
     
  5. TacitusAdvocatus

    TacitusAdvocatus New Member

    You die, and nothing changes. You live and you have an opportunity to change something. Take time off and learn yourself. Do not be distracted by the thoughts of others. Do not let the idea of being an outsider scare you. Embrace it. Look around do you really want to be apart of this world? The killing, violence, and hatred? No. That's why you're suicidal, that is a good thing. It means that you see and you understand. There is a problem but it is not you. Do not despair, take pride. You do not need to die, you do not want to die. You just do not want to be apart of this world. So do not be. Learn yourself. Learn to value what matters. Tomorrow watch the sunset, then watch it rise. Remember the feeling. Treasure it. You are upset because you are a sinner? Find me someone who is not. Only God can judge you, so who cares what other people think? Do not be afraid to be alone. It is in these moments of solitude that you will discover beauty and peace. I am here if you need to speak or have questions.
     
  6. lebaneseSufferer

    lebaneseSufferer New Member

    Thank you very much for your reply, I am glad i have found this website. It's just I tried to change myself and be normal like them, but it's just not happening. Every time I change something in me dies. A lot of times at work, my coworkers tries to discuss homosexuality and they start saying really bad things and I am forced to laugh or say something just to avoid the questions: why are you not laughing? are you like them?
    But enough of this, as soon as they start talking these things I will make excuse and leave. I am going to start embracing myself.
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Stay safe. And know that you have this community where you can be open about who you are :hug:
     
  8. lebaneseSufferer

    lebaneseSufferer New Member

    Thank you flowers for you kind comments :) I will always keep that in mind. I woke up today and felt much better after I read all these comments. One Helping Hand is enough for me...
     
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