It's too much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Downdog, Apr 9, 2015.

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  1. Downdog

    Downdog New Member

    This may be a long winded initial post. I'm a 30 year old, successful woman. I have suffered for 15 years. I've tried many medications to no avail. I've recently started trying them all again. I don't want to die, really. But the thoughts, oh the thoughts. They used to only come at night, no more prevalent and invasive.
    When asked if I have a plan I'm unsure how to answer. Have I thought if the ways I would do it? yes. Do I have a date and time picked out? no. It's like I'm waiting for a catalyst, that one event that pushes me over the edge.
    My new doc is like I said trying all the meds again. Celexa right now. He also wants me to do talk therapy, I'm willing but there is a wait list, I have no idea how long until I can talk to someone.
    Sometimes I feel like. Should just go to the hospital and Check myself in. I want help but I can't just leave my work, and pets for and undetermined amount of time. And what. An they even do?

    I have friends, they all have more pressing issues to deal with. My relationship with family never has been or will be the type where we can talk about this. Frankly I don't want them to know either. Depression runs in my family. During my last depression check list I scored 68/100sever depression.
    I'm really frustrated because it's a waiting game for months with each new drug. Just hoping to feel some enjoyment in life. Hoping when hope is bleak. I wish there were some relatively immediate even short term solution that would provide enough relief from feeling down to give me hope to keep going.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Downdog hope talking here can help it helps to know you are not alone. I do hope y our new meds kick in sooner then later The only reason to go to hospital if you feel you are a threat to yourself they will not admit you but a crisis team worker can talk to you if you need one there.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi downdog,

    The waiting list for therapy can be daunting. Is there any way you could go private? I had to go private as the list was ridiculously long. It is worth every cent. As for the celexa,, i've been on that, i don't think it helped me much but I know others have had great success on it. Keep talking to us here,we understand what you are going through.
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