It's too much

I am finding it so hard to cope. As some of you know I lost my beloved girl cat last October and am still struggling to cope with it, then a few months ago my best friend committed suicide as she couldn't cope with the pain of her illnesses anymore, (I don't have many friends) then my boy cat got sick, he is OK now thank god but now my Mum had a stroke yesterday and is in hospital. It was caused by a heart murmur which could cause more and she also has heart and liver damage, she is 70 and I am so scared. She is all lopsided and can't talk well, my Dad and sister are with her, I am trying to plan around work how and when I can get there, they live a 7 hour drive away but I don't have a car so am looking into it all.

I can't stop crying, it is all too much for me to cope with, so much loss and pain and the thought of losing my Mum is unbearable. I am trying to be strong for her, I spoke to her, could just understand what she was saying, I just wanted to be able to tell her how much I love her incase the worse happens.

You know when you have horrid thoughts pop into your head that you try not to think about and brush off. Well I was going to call them Sunday night as usual but got in from work late so text them to say I would call Monday night. I quick thought popped into my head that what if something happened and I had delayed talking to them, I brushed it off as being paranoid as I often am and then it was the next morning she had the stroke. I kept thinking if I don't get to talk to her I would hate myself, I am glad I did. But it was so hard hearing her so weak, she is scared and fed up but has to have tests and maybe an op but is too weak at the moment and can't swallow.

I am so scared, I have been struggling to cope anyway with everything and now this, it is terrifying me, I feel so alone and frightened :'( :'(

 

Thank you so much. I am hiring a car on Friday and driving the 7 hour journey, haven't driven for 3 years, hope I remember how! I spoke to my Mum a few times on the phone, she is slurred but I could understand her and we told eachother how much we love eachother. I will be seeing my sister too who I haven't seen for two and a half years. I am trying to stay strong for my Mum, it is so hard though.
XXX

 

glad you will get to see both your mom and sister you will be a great support to each other hun hugs to you