I've always been the "strong" person of my group of friends, but god I wish they could see the weakness in my heart. My decision has already been made that I won't breath for another year, but I'm still praying for these feelings to go away. I can't control them, and thats what makes it ten times more scary. Its gotten to the point where my head is driving me crazy.. I'm not hearing voices or anything, but I'm so dark that I feel like I deserve to die. I'm so angry at my entire family, and all of my friends. Everybody has their own problems, and there isn't time to listen to mine. If I can get somebody to listen for a split second I don't get far enough before they're gone. I've been hiding my suicidal feelings and depression for 3 years, and nobody as a clue. I know that if I share then everybody will disappear completely. I thought I'd grow out of this, but all that it's done is build. My cuts have turned into scars that'll never go away, and I'll always remember this. I can't live with it anymore. The world is too much for me to take, its totally opposite of what it should be. I'm tired of hearing everybodies problems, but nobody can listen to mine. its my turn to be selfish.