i want to do whats right to get better but god its hard because it just brings back so much pain. NO pain No gain right but dam tears dam them come to frequently now without warning I don't want people to see me this way. I am always in control Going back to work next week i hope all goes well and no more pain i hope i can just hold it together bills have tobe paid and i can't be coming this dam weak VULNERABLE person i can't because i will be her again and i can't go back there. I just have to tell my brain enough already get on with life and not let all this bs from past destroy what i fought so hard for. I am fighting something that is not real anymore and it is taking my life away from me now i got to stop this from happening I am strong i don't need anyone i just need to smarten up and get on with life i can do this just can't let emotions win thats all. sorry just talking to self again i will win this i will.