I've accepted that I'm going to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Booker, Jul 1, 2015.

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  1. Booker

    Booker Member

    I'd like to start this off by saying that I'm 14 years old. I'm going to die by my own hand. Eventually. Not today or tomorrow but years from now when I'm an adult. There are still some things I'd like to do in life before I do myself in. Not that it really matters.

    Some might call me crazy or perhaps a coward. But I don't care about what anyone thinks of me. I feel as if this is the most logical choice of action. I'm not even sure why I'm posting here. No matter how much support I'm given it doesn't seem to work. I'm in a constant state of depression and pain. What hope is there for a person like me?
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I was like you a few years ago, felt crazy, overwhelmed with mental illness and I could not cope ended up in ICU, please tell me you do not want me be in ICU or worse...death. You say no support helps, I will just say you have joined a great community here, no judging, we welcome you with open arms and I am so sorry that you are suffering this badly. Have you told anyone in real life what you are thinking? There are anti depressants and other drugs that under 18's can take. I'd see your doctor if I was you. Best of luck booker and welcome!
     
  3. Booker

    Booker Member

    Yes. I just got out of a mental hospital, being treated for suicidal thoughts. The medicine was helping at first, but now its not.
     
  4. Booker

    Booker Member

    Hello?
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again booker, you need to tell the prescriber that it has stopped working, there are literally hundreds more you could try if the psychs felt you need it. Are you getting therapy? And how are you getting on in school?
     
  6. Booker

    Booker Member

    I just got out of school. Haven't seen my therapist sense I left the hospital.

    My parents had a talk with me, telling me that I can't keep going to the hospital, nor can I keep trying out different medicines. They said trying too many different kinds of medication will make me even more crazy and that eventually I'll never be allowed to leave the hospital. For a long time.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I understand you are at a fragile age and that you want to respect your parents wishes as to not cause them grief but you must look after yourself first and do as the doctors say, i changed my meds SO many times until i eventually go better, remeron (mirtazapine) was the one that lifted my depression with a combo of therapy too. It will not make you crazy. Tell everything to your doctor as honestly as possible and you will be on a way to a new you and it might help if you can get the doctor to explain your illness to your parents so that they can support you while you are recovering. You can do this.
     
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    You have only one life to live. Don't play Russian roulette with yourself. I am a suicide survivor and I regret trying to die because of all kinds if physical ailments such as pain were the consequence of my action. Life is short already. Why rush? We will all die one way or another anyway. Don't rush it. There are lots of people who have similar issues like you. Maybe you can safely vent and share your story to someone else who needs help just like u. Don't give up. You'll realize that soon.
     
  9. Booker

    Booker Member

    Why rush? Why not? I've been abused and neglected by everyone I've ever known, Though my parents act like it, they don't really care about my well being. They just get mad at me and ask ME "what are we going to do."? How the fuck am I supposed to know the answer to that?

    I had an abusive stepfather who forced me to read the bible 24-7. He also beat me. When he went to prison I had to live with my alcholic mother who often made a fool of herself in public, humiliating me and her. Then I had to live with my actual father, who was a drug addict that constantly argued with my grandmother and demanded money for drugs. Hell, I've never had a good friend. Every so-called "friend" I've had just used me as their play thing. They manipulate me. And the worst part is that I know it. I put up with my peer's bullshit every day. How could I live after everything that's happened? I'm a weak person. The world is a dystopia.

    Please don't take this message as offensive. It's not my intention to offend.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Booker~ I am so sorry to hear of all you have been through. No one should have to go through that. No one :( When they ask you what are ''we'' going to do? Ask them on how they plan on helping you! And maybe even give them some ideas on how you can be helped. everyone has their own things that comfort them and if you need a real friend that will listen and try and help you through this difficult patch, i am here. But it is equally important that you seek the help of professionals, make sure they know how you feel and tell them you are NOT ok, it's fine to say that. Don't feel ashamed for being ill. As I always say you wouldn't apologize for having a heart attack, so don't apologize for being mentally unwell.
     
  11. Booker

    Booker Member

    If you say so. I'll try it. But everyone has their breaking point. My parents will eventually be fed up with me and throw me out the door. Its only a matter of time. Either way, there is no hope for me.
     
  12. Murdoc

    Murdoc Member

    Well what's your bucket list?
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Never give up on yourself, it's the worst thing you could possibly do. I'm sure they do care just aren't sure how to approach it maybe, but please stay on here and keep us updated, we have a chat room here also :hugs:
     
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