I've already died on the inside

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by TheMuse, Mar 9, 2009.

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  1. TheMuse

    TheMuse New Member

    This may sound pretty lame to some of you with bigger problems but, here goes.

    I met a man online many years ago as my marriage was falling apart. We started talking and found we had so many things in common. Soon we fell deeply in love. I knew from the start that he was my soulmate...my one and only. I'd never been in love like this before. We live in different countries 3000 miles apart but we still spent as much time online together as we could. 9 months later he flew over to see me and spent 2 glorious weeks with me. A year after that I went over there and spent 17 days with him but after he got a new job things seemed to start changing. I don't know what happened. He started avoiding me and talking to me differently. I truly though he was different from other men. He started out so kind and caring but all that changed. He could never explain what was happening so I tried to work it out with him and we were doing ok for awhile until this weekend. It started again. I would see him online but he would never message me or call me so I emailed him asking if things were ok? I know he's been stressed at work so I don't like to bother him too much. Well, this morning he messages and said we need to have a talk tonight. He's been chatting with another woman online and he says that says something is wrong with our relationship. He said I didn't do anything wrong but I know I must have for him to do this to me. I love him more than life itself and would give up everything to be with him. I can't stop crying and I can't stop cursing him and everything he's ever loved. I told him I hope she rips his heart out and stuffes it down his throat like he's doing to me right now. He says they aren't in a relationship but it still hurts so bad. I'm so confused right now and I don't know why I'm hating him so much. He knows that noone could ever love him as much as I do...he even admitted it. I just don't know what I've done to deserve this?? I want to die so bad right now. I can't handle this hurt. He's my one TRUE love. I'll never love like this again...can't even look at another man. They all pale by comparison. I want to die.
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear that. Love issues are always complicated. Just hang in there! :hug:
  3. TheMuse

    TheMuse New Member

    I just hate myself so much right now. And I've got a workshop to go to later today but I'm such a wreck. Why would he tell me this stuff first thing in the morning before he leaves for work and keep me guessing all day???
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi....there is a huge key to this ''''man'''', in your last post. why WOULD he do this to you right when you need to be functioning 100%?

    think about that for a minute. would a man with a good character and a loving heart....do that to anyone....? even if he wanted to break it off with you, a GOOD MAN would pick a time you could talk when he knows you'll have some 'down time'.

    that is a crappy thing to do, so i have assessed this man's character immediately. this is a man who is SOOO not worthy of you, and you should flee immediately and never speak to him again.

    at some point love, i hope you will be able to do, what i just wrote. i understand though, the state your heart and soul are in just now. i'm a 45 yr old woman so i know what i'm talking about. you are still very enmeshed with him, certain you can't live without him and you have let him become your life source. i know the pain is so raw. nothing is going to help now, except good friends....and time... i know that's a '''trite'' thing to say - but it's said so often - because it is true.

    life brings many surprises to us - and i do think you can find love again. i hope you find it closer to you...but i think you will find it. you seem to be a person with a tremendous heart and ability to love....don't give that away to someone who would cheat on you, or dump you.

    pm if you ever want to talk - lean on us here while you get through this horrible time. . . we are here for you xxx:console:
  5. TheMuse

    TheMuse New Member

    I'm beginning to see that now. He called me on his lunch break but it only made me feel worse. Says he wants to stay friends but how can he expect me to do that????? We're going to talk a bit more tonight but I think it will be for the last time. I've lost my will to care anymore. My plans have gone down the drain along with all of my hopes and dreams.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I went through the same thing and it hurts but worse, it tears your life apart. All the unanswered questions and al the feelings of it being your fault. all the promises that were made and so guenuinely. and now how do you get on with a life that was made around this person? its so raw and you feel so lost. if you need an ear just drop me a pm.
  7. TheMuse

    TheMuse New Member

    Thanks. Waiting (as usual) for him to call me on Skype right now. I disabled the video because I don't want to look him in the eyes again.
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