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I've also had a strained relationship with Mother

MommyOf1

Well-Known Member
#1
My Mother and I are both very strong minded individuals. My Mother is a control freak, she always has been and always will be. She can be vindictive and down right nasty at times but she's my Mother and I do love her. When I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter, my Mother was very supportive of my decision to keep my daughter and supported me the whole time throughout my pregnancy and even went into the room with me when I gave birth to my daughter. Things have always been up and down between us, one minute we're fine and the next, we're fighting like hell. Throughout my youth, I hated her and it wasn't until I had my daughter did I realize why she did some of what she did to/for me. I moved out of her house in July for the first time ever and while it's been a huge adjustment, I feel like our relationship has sort of improved until recently. My fiance proposed to me in November and she seems very supportive our relationship but has been almost entirely uninterested in the wedding planning questions I've asked her. For example, my fiance and I were talk to her about where we wanted to get married and her response was "you guys should just elope and get it over with." I was taking back by that comment, I was also taken back by how nasty she got with me when I asked her to go dress shopping with me. Her exact words were "just wear my wedding dress" I said no, I want to buy something completely different and her response was "well, you shouldn't be dress shopping until you have a set date." I feel like I'm forcing her to do something that she doesn't want to be involved in and it hurts. Yesterday, I called to talk to her and she said "I don't need to go dress shopping with you this weekend, my legs hurt and I can't really walk." I flat out asked her if she wanted to be involved in this and she responded "yes." I got off the phone with her and began to cry. I cried until late last night. I talked to my other half about this and he said he's not surprised by any of it because he knows how my Mother can be. It sucks when you question whether or not your family truly loves you or do they love you for what you can do for them.
 

ghosTea

Counterculture Nerd
SF Multi Media
SF Supporter
#2
I can understand turbulent relationships with parents and the frustrations that come with it. I don't think it reflects her love of you, maybe it is just her views of weddings and marriage in general? It can be a stressful time and some people just don't understand why people go through it. I am kind of that opinion even when I was getting married myself lol

In the end the biggest thing I learned about my wedding was that all those things don't really matter once the day comes you will have a great time and it will all melt away. It is your day don't let it be hers by her negativity let it be a celebration of the things you love in life. She will still be there and she will be happy for you I am certain. I am just sorry to hear she it sounds like she is going to be a grumpy gus up until the day.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#3
I am so sorry that your Mother is making it so hard for you as you plan your wedding...as I had a control freak for a father I truly know how hard a balance it can be as I still loved him but he was not supportive of my marriage and in the end I invited him but he and my mother opted not to come. As hard as it was, I had a great aunt who did come and along with my husband's mother and friends it was still a magical day that I fondly remember now (now 18 years ago)...So I would advise to try to remember that it is your day, keep the door open to have her come but if she's not supportive of your planning then let it go (e.g. keep her informed but don't feel you need to convince her--if that makes sense and know that's easier said than done I know)...I also would encourage you to keep posting as this is a safe place and there are so many hear who can offer advice, support and suggestions. Sending you positive thoughts as you plan your special day.
 

Luoma

Need someone to talk to? I'm here!
SF Supporter
#4
I definitely agree with ghosTea. If she doesn't want to be involved, that's entirely her loss and shows poorly on her character, not yours. However, I can totally see why you would be hurt. She is your mother, after all. But I just want you to remember that the day isn't about her, it's about you, and you'll always have the chance to talk to your mother after the wedding if she wants to be grumpy. She will realize sooner or later how irrational she is being, whether she says it out loud or not. Just make sure your day is special for YOU and enjoy this new page in your life.

Also, as a side, congratulations! I hope you two are very happy together. : )
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#5
Hi there
I understand how you're feeling about your mom not being involved or as interested as you'd like in the planning of the wedding. You feel like you should share this experience with her & she should support you.
That being said there's a flip side to that coin where she could be a total pain in your ass about it & honestly you may be getting the better deal I the end if she's a control freak. You know? You want what YOU TWO want, not what your mother wants. She could be making this very difficult in another way.
Congrats to you - as your fiance. You guys plan away & have a great time doing it. Bring your friend (or friends) along dress shopping & enjoy your time. It only happens once. Hopefully. JK!
 

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