I've been crying for something like four hours

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Pneuma, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I can't sleep. I have a splitting head ache. My eyes are so puffy from crying I can barely keep them open. I don't know what to do.
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Well, would you like to talk about what bothering you hun? We're here if you need to talk, maybe you should let all that out. :hug:
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ok honey, take some deep breaths.

    Your need to cry is born from your body needing to heal, so please allow yourself to cry as much as you need to.

    Has anything happened to trigger this tonight? Do you want to talk about anything that is making you feel bad?

    Could you take two paracetamol or something to ease your headache? And try drinking some water.

    Could you call a crisis line? Is there anyone in your house that you could go and get some support from?

    Hang in there and keep talking to us
  4. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    One of the threads triggered it. I was talking about my ex-boyfriend and how he used to pretend not to know me in public because he didn't want to be seen with me. I got to thinking about the other relationships I've been in. The man before that was just using me for sex. It was easy.... I was easy because he told me he thought I was beautiful. I knew he was just using me but I let him do it because I was so lonely.
  5. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw darling, it sounds like you have been incredibly unlucky with the people you have met.

    I am so glad that you say they are exs, it might not feel good right now, but it is good that you are no longer being treated that way.

    Do you think it would help you to write down everything you can about it? All that you are feeling? You might find that after doing it you become exceptionally tired, exhausted from all the emotion and might be able to sleep.

    :hug: Not all relationships will be like this. There is someone out there that will treat you as you deserve to be treated. Give it time and you will find him.

    Hang in there darling.
  7. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    People think I have my life together, but I don't. It's so hard. Life is so hard. Harder than I think I can handle.
  8. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I only left my ex because he was beginning to get physically abusive. The last time we were together we were over at his place watching a movie. We began to wrestle but it was just playing. Then he grabbed both my wrists with one hand and he pinned me down to the floor. I was still laughing so it was like, ah ha ha that was fun... now let me go. He didn't and he got rougher. He was hurting me and I was struggling and trying to get away and he wouldn't let go. It intensified to the point where I was kicking and screaming. He only let go of me because he was afraid his roommates would hear and come running in. I've been avoiding him ever since.

    *I went home covered in bruises from head to ankle.
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2007
  9. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    The guy before that had a girlfriend. I knew but didn't care because he actually made me feel good about myself. I tried to justify it at the time telling myself that I was just using him for sex too. His girlfriend found out and started rumors about me being a whore, or whatever.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You are incredibly sensible and strong to leave at the sign of a physically abusive relationship. That takes great inner strength, and belief. So well done you.

    You say that the other guy made you feel good. What did he do that made you feel good? Have you tried improving your self esteem? If you could feel good in yourself then you might feel better about other things too.

    Have you got any professional help?

    Is there anything else in your life that makes it seem harder than you think you can handle?

    Hang in there and keep talking to us. You are not alone darling
  11. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    This is going to sound REALLY stupid and pathetic but he made me feel beautiful.

    I have seen so much professional help, I've had depression since I was 12-13. I've been on four different medications and have seen half a dozen therapists.

    I'm failing all of my classes. I can't find a new place to live even though I have to be out of dorms by the end of the month.

    As far as my history goes I could go on and on for pages. My life is like a really bad soap opera or made for tv movie on Lifetime.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If you improved your self esteem, you would feel beautiful anyway and be able to see all the good qualities you have. Maybe try googling 'ways to improve your self esteem' and try some of the options that come up.

    I don't think it's stupid or pathetic though that he made you feel that way. So many people crave that, and you found something you were craving for. that's not srupid, that's human nature.

    If you are failing your classes, could you talk to your tutors about what is going on for you and maybe get some support from them?

    With regards to the therapists, have you tried different therapies, like CBT, CAT, DBT? Things like that? That can help you cope more in the present and deal with your thought processes? Maybe that might help with the self esteem.

    Keep talking darling.
  13. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    Sorry it took so long to reply. Just got sick. Feel a little better now.

    I've never heard of CBT, CAT, or DBT. I'll email my therapist and ask her about it.

    Plus I can't find a reason to keep living. I guess everything has just been compounding.

    I'm going to call in sick to work.
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    CBT= cognitive behavioural therapy, CAT= Cognitive Analytical Therapy, DBT= dialectic behavioural therapy.

    You would need to see specific therapists for those, but your current therapist might know who to suggest or if they will help, etc. You could also google them on the web to see if you think they might help.

    If you can't find a reason to keep living, maybe keep fighting to look for that reason to live. Sometimes we can't see a reason, but that it is because it is right around the corner and we can't see round corners.

    And don't worry about taking time to reply. Have some sips of water. And take some deep breaths :)
  15. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    It's so hard to find a reason when you have a hard time getting out of bed. I got up at 1:30pm today even though I had laundry to do.

    *oh, it's 6am here so I should say got up at 1:30-yesterday
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2007
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: then maybe just exist for a bit. Just 'be'
  17. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I think I need to take time off from school just so I can make my life livable. Actually been thinking about taking a break for a while but couldn't decide. That's settled then, I'm taking next fall off.
  18. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Talk to your tutors and find out the right channels to go through.

    Make sure that you use that time productively to do everything you can to give yourself a shot at getting better. I hope that it does help you to do that honey.
  19. Nosmanic

    Nosmanic Active Member

    delete this post of mine
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2007
  20. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    I feel so much better, and I've stopped crying. Thank you so much for helping me.

    You know, you should really change your name. I can't think of you as "scum".
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