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I've been fighting

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by littlelucy, Jan 21, 2018.

  1. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    I feel so alone. I've been fighting and fighting for my last perpetrator, a stranger who ended up being a 54 year old professor, to be held accountable. I went to the hospital right away, reported it right away. Tried to fight the cops and the DA when they refused to let me press charges, reported the DA to the attorney general, got turned away by them, got a lawyer with a contingency fee basis to try for a civil suit, then they can't help anymore, I reported him to the school, to the agency that's above the school since it's a state school.... you get the idea. I've been pushing extremely hard for justice. Like.. I've been doing wayyyy more than I should have to be doing. I've considered going to the media, but I don't know if that is the best option.

    No one is willing to do the right thing! I'm so sick of this being swept under the rug! The DA always sweeps these crimes under the rug and it is so absurd!

    And, it's annoying when I hear comments about how victims never press charges, because that's not even your right! (I'm in PA in the United States). The DA decides whether or not to press charges for the crime. It's only your right to report. Which I did! The DA refuses to prosecute sex crimes here.
  2. dtc

    dtc Getting there

    You have every right to feel like you're being let down because you are. You should be receiving nothing but help and support with what you've had to go through, and it's awful that it's not happening.

    You're not alone in this and I've found nothing but caring, supportive people on here, and there are a number who have unfortunately been through what you're going through, and I'm sure they will give you their thoughts on the best way to get through this.

    Take care
    littlelucy likes this.
  3. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I appreciate it.
    dtc likes this.
  4. Peacebwu

    Peacebwu Member

    Littlelucy what happened to you is not ok! What continues to defile you through a process that should be protecting you is not ok! You are not alone and you deserve not only justice but it should’ve never happened in the first place. I am so sorry for the pain! When I read your post I’m amazed at the strength and courage you have! Having many painful abusive situations in my past I felt exhausted and wanted to give up at times. I am so grateful there was inner strength that kept me fighting for better in life! I see that fight in you! I see a remarkable woman that can make a huge impact on this world and a great advocate! If every avenue for justice has been taken, aside from lobbying to change laws if you’re up to that advocacy, and the only thing left is acceptance, perhaps you can focus the strength you have in healing and loving you, like you deserve? May I warn to not grow bitter, as hard as that is, because you deserve to have peace in your heart knowing you’re better and stronger than that. Bitterness has a tendency to leak out into all of our relationships and hurt us continually. Have you sought counseling? I want to reassure you that what was taken from you doesn’t make you anything less than worth all the best! Rest assured life has a way of dealing with injustices. What comes around goes around. It may not be in this life but in the next, that man will have to account for what he’s done. Big warm hugs! Sending you healing thoughts and all the love you can receive!
    littlelucy likes this.
  5. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    Yeah I have counseling. I know I'm suppose to just accept it and move on. I have already accepted that it happened I just can't move on because it is wrong. I'm the advocate type so I do stuff like that, but it never matters. Nothing I do ever matters.
  6. Peacebwu

    Peacebwu Member

    I am so glad you are receiving counseling! Regardless of how this situation has continued to be so discouraging and appear you don't matter...you do matter very much! The fact you are sharing your story and trying to make a difference matters! Please don't ever believe that lie that like to repeat like a record in our heads. The truth is that you are worthy! Valuable! and Matter very much! It may be hard to see any good coming from this horrible situation but I promise you through healing you'll be able to see that beauty can come from our this broken place. Abuse is never right! I have found that any abuse I've gone through, once healing has taken hold, I can use the experience and pain of old is a way to listen, love and teach others. I can't change it happened and it's not "fair" that it did. But, I find healing continually through the other side of it. I pray peace and healing for your body, soul and mind! There's a beautiful plan for you yet to unfold! A purpose greater than all this pain! You are beautifully made and worthy!
    littlelucy likes this.
  7. Coleslaw124

    Coleslaw124 Active Member

    The American justice system is shit. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and I hope some justice will come. You're extremely strong and all survivors thank you for your fight. It's okay to stop and take care of yourself. Even if nothing happens now, God will take care of him one day.
    littlelucy likes this.
  8. Lantern

    Lantern Active Member

    I experienced something similar. Even though I reported him, they didn't believe me. "Why should someone which such a promising future do something like this?" was the question I was asked a lot. Well they started to doubt his pure nature when he started to stalk me aggressively. But still there were many voices saying that it was my fault because I "broke his heart", at the police station people were very reluctant to hear me out again. Anyway the nightmare ended after he comitted armed robbery and was caught in the act. Thats when he went to prison and a lot of people apologized to me. It took two years.
    What I am trying to say is: Don't give up. He will face the consequences of his actions one way or another, even if it will take years. It is not your fault and it never will be. Its horrible that so many people do not take those things seriously and just let things like this happen because they think that its easier or they just cant believe someone did something that horrible. You are a person that many survivors can look up to. You have more courage than many people and you matter. You did the right thing. Your story was really inspirational to me, thank you for sharing it.
    I wish I could more than to tell you that you are not alone with this. that justice will concquer all even though it might take what feels like an eternity.
    littlelucy likes this.
  9. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    This is messed up. This is how these guys get busted one day and then there are 485 other women coming along saying "he did that shit to me too!". And then some asshole is sitting back saying "where was she 10 years ago?" Well, right here, mother fucker. She's right here. Being ignored.
    littlelucy likes this.
  10. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Erm.. sorry, I got carried away. But I am sorry this is happening to you. This "justice system" is.. wow.. something else.
    littlelucy likes this.
  11. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    That's literally what I try to explain to assholes too. They don't care.
  12. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    The system is shit. I think the way it works is that the defense either denies that the attack took place, or they say "it was consensual", and the it's your word against his. They also know that survivors are vulnerable, so the defense will try to put you on the witness stand and tear you down, and generally make your life hell.

    The prosecution rate is very low for rape because of this.

    There might be some other options though. The school administration may not do anything, but there may be some form of women's group or anti-sexual assault group on campus. There's a good chance that this guy has raped other women, and he may have a reputation. If you can find other survivor's there may be a way to fight him.

    A renewed legal approach with other survivor's might be one way. Another, probably the most effective, is just a group of women who are willing to confront him and protest on campus
  13. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    Trust me I've tried.
  14. Lady Wolfshead

    Lady Wolfshead Well-Known Member

    Have you tried getting in touch with women's organizations? I used to belong to one that was a bit too militant for me but they would definitely take action for victims of violence who couldn't get justice. Some of the actions weren't exactly legal, but hey - these were guys with multiple victims. One guy had raped numerous underage prostitutes. Another was a well-know restaurant owner who would roofie and rape the waitresses who worked for him. By Any Means Necessary.
  15. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    None of those exist around here. The womens organization at the school is against me doing anything because they are not really a womens organization... it's run by the school.
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    @M4321 is a lawyer, maybe he would have something to say.

    I don't know if it's possible to see if this guy has had previous criminal or civil claims filed against him

    God damn the system
  17. M4321

    M4321 Well-Known Member

    Criminal law isn't really my specialty so I don't know what kind of advice I could really offer. Honestly this situation reminds me of the whole situation at Penn State where everyone ignored what Jerry Sandusky was doing until the dam finally broke. Have you thought about seeing if you can find any other victims of this professor, people like him never do this to just one person.
  18. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Do you know if in principle she would be able to subpoena documents from the school, or records of criminal complaints or records of civil suits against him?
  19. M4321

    M4321 Well-Known Member

    I don't, I'd have to do some research on state law. Given that there is neither a criminal or civil case I think a subpoena would work.
  20. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    She certainly tried to press criminal charges though. I think she also said that she pursued a civil case, but the lawyer who was representing her was doing so on a contingency fee basis, and decided to drop the case.

    So if, for example, if she was able to pursue the civil case, then maybe she could subpoena documents.