I've been here too long.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mortal Moon, Dec 12, 2009.

  1. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I'm dead tired and about ready to hit the sack for the night, but I just wanted to get out a quick thought that occurred to me.

    I'm 22 years old. It's easy enough to say that I'm only a quarter of the way through my lifespan, that I've got my whole life ahead of me, that I haven't seen anything yet. But you know what? I think it's been too fucking long. I wasn't meant to live this long, my mind can't handle it. I should have died when I six or something. Should have gotten some horrible fucking childhood disease and just been done with it.

    More than anything, I'm just tired and overwhelmed. This is dragging on and on forever, I need a break and some time to think, but there's no rest. It just keeps coming at me and I can't stop it. And I'm not even a third of the way done yet?! Fuck me, I can't take it anymore. I should have been done long ago, it would have been more fitting that way. I'd still have gotten a brief taste of life- that's all I need or want. I wouldn't have to grow up and know what I know now. And I'd still have "her". I refuse to buy into this long-term bullshit. It's all just a big scam.

    Fuck my life. I need sleep. I probably shouldn't even post this incoherent mess, but I just don't care anymore.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Here if you feel like talking.
     
  4. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    yo, when you die you'll find out that your consciousness still exists because life is eternal it's the way it is and always has been. that's the beauty of it you don't get trapped inside one vehicle forever or else that would be imprisonment. your only here for a blink even though it might seem longer, and the world will be changing soon man a lot of the lies the gov'ts of the world are coming out and people are getting pissed off and we aren't putting up with the suppression of life altering technologies. to be honest i've considered giving up my whole life to fight for human rights, no children or wife because i know life goes on forever and i'll have multiple lives to do those things but again i'm trying to plan my shit out right now too. you have to meet in the middle with life you can't have everything you want or desire but you can still have some of what you need to be happy. and the shit that can't be changed is just a lesson to let go. peace and love.. if you want something to give your life a little bit of fire check out www.jackherer.com and click on "emperor" it's jack herer's book and it shows how hemp can alleviate pretty much all of the suffering of the planet because, for the last 6,000 years, that's what it did until the paper/pulp fuck william hearst, the federal bureau of narcotics/ DEA fuck harry.j ansliger, and du pont petrochemicals conspired to make it illegal and either make money or do evil to the planet i'm not sure which. the healing of the planet will come through this plant if you don't read the book at least read this speech by jack herer to see if it has anything of interest for you www.youthfederation.com/herer_speech062001.html... it'll give your life some purpose in spreading the message to people. i nearly committed suicide not too long ago but this knowledge i have aquired from the hemp plant has given my life a purpose in spreading this message and researching it will deffinately make the days shorter, just an idea.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 13, 2009
  5. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Okay, I wasn't exactly expecting a response like that :biggrin: But thanks for the suggestion anyway.

    I'm pretty sure there's nothing after this. I look forward to it. And you know, until very recently (the last 200 years or so) people were very lucky to survive into their 30s. A 40-year-old was practically ancient, but today we consider that early middle-aged. The idea of living into one's 80s and beyond is very specific to our time and culture. So what's so bad about making it all the way to 22 and then calling it good?
     
  6. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    It's odd because I'm 40 now... and although a lot of shit has happened, a lot of it is like a dream to me. That 20 year old 'me' that survived a suicide attempt seems very unreal to me now, it wasn't 'me' it was a different 'me'. And I'm sure that when I'm 60, this person who I am now will mean nothing to me either.
     
  7. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    @Ziggy

    Just wanted to say I love your avatar. Highly topical, as well ;)
     
  8. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    the next time you go to bed and wake up in the morning, pretend like it is the first day on earth! clear your head of all of the judgements that you have placed on everything in your life and once you do that you will see everything clearly for what it is and you will be a brand new you!
     
  9. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I'm not so good at lying to myself like that. I'd only be able to pretend for so long before the weight of reality comes crashing down on my delusions. Just like always.
     
  10. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    we'll man the only thing i can think of is to occupy your self with something, what do you like to do? there are shit loads of ways to give compassion and the earth will treat you kindly for helping her out. that's the only thing i can think of to put some emotion into ya to keep fightin it's what helps me anyway