I've been hiding out for a month, on the fence about ending it.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Pbsman, May 23, 2014.

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  1. Pbsman

    Pbsman New Member

    I don't know exactly why, but last month was the lowest month of my life. I felt horrible, like the weight of the world was crushing me. Between my work, my school, my "friends", my piece of shit family, I just didn't think I could breathe. Because of it all, I decided to disappear for a while, and here I am, in a dark, light-less room sitting on the floor in the corner with my head leaning against the wall. I've been here alone for exactly a month, and being alone for that long gives you enough of time to think and "meditate", and thanks to all that thinking and meditating, I am now 10x as depressed as I was last month. This is truly the lowest I can possibly get, and I'm unsure of what to do. Should I die? Should I go back to my awful life? I've been here for a month, so I know I've been fired from my job, and my school probably kicked me out. Ugh! Both options suck absolute dick! I really want to die, but suicide is such a pain. Please, give me some advice. And if you're advice is not to die, please give me a good reason.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You say you are at the lowest you can get then there is only one way to go now and that is UP depression is a cycle and if you have hit your lowest then the cycle starts to come up again WITH SUPPORT reach out to the councilors at your school get a stay on your marks so you do not lose the years all is not lost ok You can always get another job things always look so dark when one is depressed You need to reach out NOW though ok talk to someone at the school and talk to your doctor and get some therapy some meds whatever but sitting doing nothing will not change anything YOur family if they suck then move away from them start a new life somewhere else Talk to someone so you can get on a different path then you are on now
     
  3. ValentineBabe

    ValentineBabe Active Member

    Hi Pbsman, nice to meet you and welcome to sf. I understand your darkness I too am there all too often. I too have family that's not "family" to me things just make you feel so isolated. What I would first encourage you to do if you're not already is see your doctor and get on some medication. For a long time I resisted but once I finally gave in, what a difference did it make. And then see someone a therapists etc...

    Isolating yourself is what depression does and if you can find the strength reach out to a friend, anyone. Even here on sf it's helping me immensely. Here you have everyone who can relate and understand and offer encouragement. Stay connected here, keep reaching out and keeping us posted. Wishing you well ~
     
  4. Pbsman

    Pbsman New Member

    I'm already taking medication, but all it does is mask depression with fake happiness. Plus, my liver's pretty bad as it is. The only way I'd take medication is if I wanted to die a slow, painful death.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi PB - pleased to meet you and that you're reaching out for advice :) I promise you there is reason to stay alive, there absolutely is, but/and it does involve a search for the new mindset that will bring healing to your inner turmoil. Pills/meds can and do help for those who are able to take them, but I know that there aren't any that will mend a broken heart/spirit. That does not mean that there is no healing available, which is the good news.
    I've been just about literally through hell to be able to write this with the knowledge that comes from experience, and know that healing of minds and memories and situations is possible - (I had given up on mine totally). If you are open to contacting a counsellor who knows what they are doing, I have the details of the person who was able to help me, if you would like me to PM them to you - or just chat with someone who cares and wants to help those in search of wisdom, truth and insight :) Blessings and strength, urP
     
  6. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    I won't give you any advice. No one here really knows what your situation is, or what should be done about it. You know these things, however.

    A very common pattern seen on this forum is someone, call her Alice for make-believe, posts here wanting advice and states the problem areas involved. Then someone else on the forum, call her Betty, posts to offer solutions to these problem areas. Then Alice posts back with reasons why the solutions won't work. So, Betty tenders a new set of solutions. Alice rejects these also. And so on. It's a counterproductive exchange that doesn't help either Alice or Betty. Betty doesn't know enough about Alice to help her, and it's possible that Alice doesn't really want any outside intervention. And not wanting help is perfectly within Alice's rights. That's why I believe emotional problems or disorders can never be resolved online.

    I trust that you will do what's best for yourself.

    People here do care about your fate. No one wants to see a fellow human being suffer.

    If you feel suicidal right now, call your emergency number. The good reason is, you deserve the best things in life. You don't deserve death.

    Best wishes always,...
    ~:butterfly4:
     
    Last edited: May 24, 2014
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    If Alice really DIDN'T WANT any outside intervention at all, then she would never have posted on SF. Surely that is logical?
     
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Pbsman:

    Hello. You have successfully completed where Ive failed


    I never was able to isolate myself for a full month. Im such a chickenshit to dive that deep into myself always Shutting myself off before getting there and keep myself busy with the deadend job. Its enabling my depression and makingbme feel worthless yet its my lifeline.

    Look at the bright side always can start anew.
     
  9. sidster95

    sidster95 Member

    I wish i could hide out fir a month and not have any crap from people :)
    dude i cant say itll get better but for me ive found meeting someone who needs help or support really makes you feel alive :) x
     
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