I've been pushed over the edge. I'm officially done.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Brandon Kwon, Mar 17, 2016.

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  1. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I've just had enough. I'm done and I can no longer bear it. It's over, I lost. Maybe I do deserve happiness and peace and love and all that, I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care anymore. The pain is too much and I've had twice my capacity for this. I'm done. People have pushed me too far and I no longer wish to be around anybody.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Brandon please, please get help.

    You DO deserve happiness. You DO deserve peace, you DO deserve love and all those things can still happen for you.
    I'm sorry you've been treated wrong, but don't let them have this victory. Fight, fight for you.

    If you're at such an edge please do call a crisis number and ask them to help you.
     
  3. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    There is no help for me. No one can help me.

    Maybe I do deserve all that, but it's not going to happen, guys with worse problems than me have women to be with and I'm just here rotting away mentally, emotionally and physically. The darkness has won. I don't even want to fight for myself anymore.

    I did just that, they couldn't really help me much.
     
  4. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Hey, I understand being alone and wanting love so bad that it hurts. I lost my live because of my own actions.

    I hope you can keep trying. If you'd like to talk in a pm please send me a message.
     
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  5. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    *shrug* it's nice someone else feels this way, but I can't be helped, that's been discovered. I'm just gonna pack up my shit and live alone out somewhere far away from other people.
     
  6. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    That is your depression. It wants to isolate you. It's a safety defence. It's really not the answer.
    I haven't left my house for a long time. In the past I've stayed in for over a year. I know what I'm doing is bad... So I understand.

    Sometimes when looking for love we need to stop looking but put ourselves in situations to meet people. Sometimes looking can make you look bad. I have found that women are more interested in people that are not interested in them... Or look like they're not interested.

    Hiding away will only make you worse.
     
  7. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Maybe it is. But it's all I can do at this point. I don't want to help myself, I was a hermit for most of my life.

    I can't really put myself in a situation to meet people without a lot of work and effort which I'm not willing to put out.

    Hiding is all I have left at this point.
     
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Then do as I do. Hide away. Just stay in a place that gives you the option to be around people when you're able. Get on medication and try to do things. I know its really hard... And i dont do it right now. Until you / we start... Nothing good will just appear like magic to change us.
     
  9. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    If I stay around other human beings like this then I'm going to end up doing something criminal. Gonna be ages before I can even attempt to get on new medication and I just don't want to put the work and effort forth to try and do things. Unfortunately you spoke the cold truth, Until I/we do something and put the work forth nothing will appear like magic to change us. And unfortunately I am a man who is not interested in anything less than a magic cure. If it can't fix me now or within a few days, I have no interest in it.
     
  10. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Right now we say that. With very minor changes bigger things happen. Like today... For a very long time I haven't got dressed. So today I got dressed and had a bath. I didn't want to, and it took me hours and hours to build up to do it. Now I'm sitting in my front room for the first time in weeks. I don't feel great... And i couldn't leave my house... Or even good a meal. But its a change and with these small changes I hope one day I'll go outside or cook. I don't expect it to happen quickly though. I'm just going to try to get dressed every day.

    Small steps. Please just try something. Anything positive no matter how small.
     
  11. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    But why bother with small steps if you don't even feel any better? That just doesn't make any logical sense in my mind.
     
  12. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    I do feel better. As I said, I got dressed and had a bath. Now I'm sitting in my front room watching my big tv. I haven't done this in a long time. I feel better, not perfect... But I do.
     
  13. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Oh, I misread that then. Well...*sigh* What other choice do I have? I'll try something...Bugger if I know what though...
     
  14. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Something small. I don't know your situation. It can be anything. If you can go outside, maybe a very short walk. If not. Maybe tidy a room or cook.

    If you're like me... Get dressed and have a bath or shower.
     
  15. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I think in my situation it would have to be get up and go somewhere. My legs and heart are gonna hate me but maybe I'll feel somewhat better.
     
  16. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Great. If you can do that then that's good. When I was ok I would go out and take deep breaths when I was in a nice place. Look around and notice things. Sometimes I would get an epiphany or just a feeling of how things can get better if I just try.

    I'm not there yet... But I hope I can be. I hope you can be. It just takes doing it... That is the hardest part.
     
  17. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    It really is.
     
  18. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    You know I told you that I got dressed today? Well that's been my plan for 5 days... Every day I have had the intention... But just couldn't. It so simple.. Its embarrassing to say.
     
  19. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I was like that. For a couple years if my adolescence I rarely changed clothes (if ever) and I rarely ever showered, I usually had to be forced to do it.
     
  20. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Yeah. Sadly its something I do when I'm like this. It's why I can relate. I really hope you can go outside and take some deep breaths. It's a great thing to do.

    Isolation is never the answer... No matter how nice it sounds when you're depressed. It sounds so safe and enticing... But it'll only make you worse and worse.

    I have attempted suicide a few times now. All have been after prolonged isolation. They have messed me up for life...

    Hopefully you can reply with a message saying you gave it a shot. Small steps.
     
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