Well let me attempt to give you people a background on why I am posting this right now. Well I've had thoughts over the years of ending it all, due to a bunch of reasons that is just alot for someone to deal with in a little bit of time. I've moved several times through my childhood due to alot of different things. One was my parents divorcing while I was a baby, no older then a year old. Then as I grew up living with my mother and visiting my father every other weekend, he tried to brainwash me into making up lies about how my mother would beat me, and date different men every night to try to get me to live with him. None of which was ever true, but I was a small child and he attempted to bribe me with items such as a dirt-bike or whatever. Aside from that my mother eventually remarried and the guy who she married turned out to be a completely different person after they were married awhile. We went through times where we didn't have any food because he got fired and didn't look for a new job at all, during this time my grandfather developed cancer and my mother was living with them basically to take care of him. Not only did we go without food, but we went without heat in the winter as well as electricity occasionally. So my mom after I think it was about 8-9 years of marrage divorced him. After that we moved in with my sister, which all was well and good for awhile. One day the landlord came and told us we had to get rid of our dogs which we had for years. We told my sister we wouldn't move in with them unless they got a place with dogs, because after all that time they are a part of the family and we wouldn't just get rid of them. So once again my mother had to leave to live with my grandparents and took our dogs with her. After a half year my sister decides to go crazy because of drugs she was on, calls my grandparents and threatens to kill my mother. Tells her that even if they make up and she thinks everything is good that's when she will kill her. So we move in with my grandparents my brother and I as well. We live there for 2 years where I was put down by my grandfather for going to online school, and not having a job at the time because of it. Everything that he could say he would, and it would slide it in whenever no one was ever around to help defend myself or anything. We live there for about 2 years and that is all I go through day in and day out, and eventually you start to believe what you are told when you hear it that often. While I was living there I met a girl online, we chatted for awhile and a relationship developed. I bent over backwards for this girl who lived a state away, she asked me to go to her prom with her so I came up with the money when I didn't have it to get a tux and travel a 4 hour trip to her house to take her to prom. It was great and I never felt for anyone like I did for her EVER. Everything seemed to be going well and I always was trying to come up with new ways to see her. I rushed moving once again so that way I would have the ability to make that trip more often. Well after all that time my mother met a guy a really nice older guy. We have now moved in with him, and things aren't so bad but we couldn't bring our dogs because he has an apartment. During this time I figured out a way to go see this girl again and stay at her house and meet her parents. I was scared out of my mind, but was willing to do it for her. So I go down and all that and we have a great time although her parents scared the hell out me asking to photocopy my ID and what not, but I went through it all for her. Which I forgot to mention she cheated on me once, and begged me for a second chance and because I didn't want to throw away what could be I gave her a second chance, very stupid of me I know. She told me everything she would do to prove she loved me, and she did for awhile. Then things started to seem off when she started her first year of college. This girl told me everything and told me everything she wanted out of our relationship. Then like I said she starts acting odd like she did when she cheated on me. So I asked her one simple question.... If you didn't love me anymore you would tell me right? Well after that everything seemed to go down hill. She told me she wanted space, but didn't want to break up. So I tried to give her space, but I saw her change things on her myspace as well as in other aspects of her life. She got rid of the only picture of me and her on it and I called her to say hey what is going on why did you do that if we aren't broke up. Ofcourse she made up an excuse for everything, and I could never tell if she was lieing or not. I was ready to commit to this girl honestly, and at the last second she screwed me. She kept me dangled on a string while she tried out other guys. That combined with everything I've been through in my life has just all piled up, and I'm just wondering why shouldn't I end it. Everyone tells me that oh things will get better, just keep your chin up. Well after 20 years that hasn't happened yet and I continue to get stepped on being the nice guy. I left out some information because it's just too much to type, but any replies would be greatly appreciated.